mindw0rk: переводы

→- Come on, Jimmy. I Dont wanna do this.

→I was escorted to my own csratch-post and solid gold litter-box. I can also crawl onto parked car engines and sleep in warmth without fear of getting chopped up in a fan belt.
Im surprized at all of the folks who made it here as opposed to those who didt.

→I figured that if i was casr into the firey lake, then god will have done everything in his power to save me. During judgement, none of the bad things i had done were even mentioned. Not even the time i squashed over 50 snails with a hammer. Rather, he only told everyone how brave i was. Then i walked through clouds and drank from rivers of milk. This was special milk, in that it didnt give me diarrea. Oh yes, and there are guppies here. Millions of them! They fly all around your head singing all the while. When i introduce myself to these heavenly guppies... They recognized me as the half-brother of Waffle. I asked one of them how all of guppies knew who Waffle was. I ate the guppie before he could answer.

→I approached judgement with confidence, not because i lived a righteous life but because i had confidance in a favorable trail.

→I remember when i walked among the earth-bound takinglife for granted. I did not participate in some of the finer things. It wasnt until my soul gently slid from its mortal coil that these things became clear to me.

→- They broke our guardian! Weve got no dian! The insects will come and lay pupas on our front lawns!
- ...and back lawns!
- South plate ground troops will follow.
- Bug-proof the town.
- That guardian is heading north. They know about our guys.

→We gots a punctured chest!! Abandon guardian!

→- I know, i know because they painted the whole temple with their buts.
- Rumble! RUMBLE!
- A southplate guardian is attacking!!

→- Our robot guardian is all weve got. Hell just have to do for now.
- Sure, things are fine now, but weve heard that the south plate insects

are readying for battle. Theyve got 3 guardians to our one!
- Were initiating a top secret plan to secure another guardian even as we

speak!
- We sent out a group of professionals to hi-jack and bring back a guardian!
- Professionals?! Thank god, we heard you were gonna send Simon, Waffle, Mr.Black & Gordon.
- Uh, those are the professionals we sent.
- Were screwed.
- They were the only ones who volun teered!
- Remember last year when they volunteered to paint the tample?!

→Believe it or not, they dont attack us because they fear our guardian.
He may be old, but he is pillar of respect to outsiders.
Elder, i hate to argue, but our guardian is a piece of crap. Just the other day a metal panel fell off and landed on a fruit stand nearly killing an old lady!
That was an isolated incident!!
Our safety inspectors checked out the rest of the guardian and found it to be fine.
THUD!

→Newton, a state in the south.
Spies from the surrounding states have surveyed our predicament, no doubt.
Well, if they know how pathetically weak we are, why havent they attacked us? I mean, id attack us if i were them.

→- We go that way!

→- Stay close. Dont touch anything.
- Who blew out the torch?!
- Wheres Dr.Pilk?!
- Hes back at the door. STOP HIM!