Готовый перевод Мама знает все / Mom knows everything: 1

Mother knows best

My mother loves to give advice. Not global. She didn't say a word about whom I supposed to marry, what kind of profession to choose, or which house to buy. Her advice is more like: "that's what you should do with your hair".

My mother is a master in giving health advice. Do not go out when your hair are wet, you can get pneumonia. Do not sit on the cold pavement, you can get piles. Do not use your phone in the thunderstorm, otherwise a bolt of lightning that hit a cable will rush a few miles away and kill you right in the hall.

Momisms are rarely based on facts and events, happened in the past (well, maybe, only this one with the phone is an exception). They are based on a theory, according to which a mother has a right to give advice only because she is a Mother. She doesn't need any other reasons.

All my life I was surrounded by momisms. Unfortunately, in early childhood, we, four kids, understood that our mom knew lots of really unlucky people. A huge amount of momisms were based on misfortunes and tragedies that happened to these people due to their own fault. And her voice was as if we were listening to scary stories around the campfire. (?)

If we were swinging on the back legs of the chair, mother told us about her friend, who did the same thing, then fell out of the chair, broke his neck and was paralyzed FOR THE REST OF HIS SHORT LIFE.

If we were throwing up grains of popcorn and catching them with our mouths, mother told us about her friend who was doing exactly the same thing, and then he CHOKED AND DIED.

When I became a teenager, the main topic of momisms was dates. The aim of them was the following: every saturday night we should spend at home sorting out the socks.

First of all, these momisms were about What Good Girls Do Not Do stuff. Good girls never chew a gum. Good girls never whistle. Good girls do not sit with their legs moved apart. (?) / wide open

And then there was a list of momisms regarding People You Shouldn't Trust stuff. Italians will undoubtedly lie to you. The same about French, Chinese, English, Irish and young people of 93 other nationalities, studying at Cleveland Heights school. When our mother ended this list, I and my sisters came to the conclusion that only one man who's a perfect choice for us - our young brother.

He also didn't manage to avoid momisms about dates. Mom told him: "You should treat this girl as if she were your sister". It seems to me our mom forgot that he was the boy, who tried to fill our noses with vaseline, when we were asleep, and called us only "hussy" or "fool".

I thought when I became a mother, my mom would finally give up. But this didn't happen. Recently she tried to tighten my decollete saying: "Do not advertise what is not for sale". And then I realised: momisms are endless. So I smiled and said: "Okay, mom. Thanks for reminding".

I think I'm obliged to her. Honestly, now I think I begin to understand her.

Just yesterday, for instance, when my daughter tried to swingle on the back legs of the chair, I told her in a frightful tone of voice (?): "Listen, darling, your grandmother knew one man...".

( Connie Schultz Reader's Digest )

Внимание! Этот перевод, возможно, ещё не готов.
Его статус: идёт перевод

Переведено на Нотабеноиде
http://notabenoid.org/book/40626/152824

Переводчики: ichuly