How I Met Your Mother s01e13 / Как я встретил вашу маму с01э13
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Kids, in life there are a lot of big romantic moments.
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And they make life worth living.
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But here's the problem:
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moments pass,
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and lurking just around the corner from those moments
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is a cruel, unshaven bastard named reality.
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And so, back in 2006,
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on the night of Claudia and Stuart's wedding,
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reality was the enemy.
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Wow. The Peace Corps?
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Yeah. I ship out tomorrow-- two years.
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You know, some people say the Peace Corps is the most noble thing a person can do.
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To those people, I say, «Is it?»
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And usually they say, «Yes, it is.»
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Barney, they are so right.
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I wish there was something I could do.
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Oh, Tanya...
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I'm so glad you said that.
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This wasn't how I'd thought the night would turn out.
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This was finally supposed to be my big moment with Robin.
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But then reality came along.
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Robin got called up last-minute to anchor the 11:00 news.
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It was her big break.
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And I went to the wedding stag.
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Then, when I least expected it...
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Hey, where the hell did you disappear to last night?
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I had the most amazing night ever.
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Tell me about it. That cake. Best cake I ever had.
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Seriously. My stomach was, like,
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«Hey, bro, I don't know what you're eating, 'cause I don't have any eyes,
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but it's basically awesome, so keep sending it down Gullet Alley.»
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Yeah, I know.
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My stomach was, like, «Girlfriend, we don't always get along, but that cake...»
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Lily.
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Oh, right. «Most amazing night ever,» and go.
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You know, I should tell you, I have a rule.
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I never hook up at weddings.
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I'm guessing you haven't always had this rule.
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Well, here's the thing, those big romantic moments,
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they're great when they happen, but they're not real.
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Exactly, exactly-- like-like just now, when I saw you doing the chicken dance out there,
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I'm not gonna lie to you, big-time thunderbolt.
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Mm. You should see me tap dance.
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You'd be down on bended knee.
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Sadly not out of character.
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But I know now it's just a mirage.
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Wedding goggles.
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Exactly. And that, in a nutshell, is why I'm not putting the moves on you.
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This isn't the moves?
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What, you... you think this is the moves?
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Believe me, you'd know the moves.
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People ten tables away would know the moves.
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Oh, that's too bad.
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Tell me about it.
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You know, I think... I have a solution.
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Interested.
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And to preface this, we're not gonna sleep together tonight.
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Less interested.
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Go ahead.
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Okay.
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So the thing that always screws it up is the next day.
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Right? So...
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Why don't we just cut that part out?
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What are you saying?
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I'm saying, I'm here, you're here, this is a big romantic wedding--
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why don't we just dance and have a great time,
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and then when it's over, never see each other again.
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– Unless...
– No. No unless.
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No e-mails, no phone numbers, not even names.
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Tonight we will make a memory that will never be tarnished.
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And then... when we're old and gray,
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we'll look back on this night
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and it'll be perfect.
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Wow.
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– Okay, I'm in.
– Okay.
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I guess, uh, what, we'll need fake names?
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Um... you can call me Buttercup.
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Pleased to meet you, Buttercup.
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I'm... Lando Calrissian.
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Wow, this is kind of exciting. Our names will forever be shrouded...
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Ted, Ted, Ted. Look, I got a bridesmaid.
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Ted, look, look, Ted, the second hottest bridesmaid.
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Ted, look. See ya, Ted.
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So, I'm Ted.
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Victoria.
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– But no last names.
– No last names.
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Oh, what is wrong with you?
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Dude, that is just, like... a weenie-ass idea.
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No, it was awesome-- I had a great night,
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I'm never gonna see her again, and there's no way to ruin it.
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Ted, how do I explain this to you?
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Last night I ate the best cake of my life.
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Now, you think I'm gonna let that cake out of my life?
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Hell, no. I'm gonna find out what bakery made that cake,
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and then I'm gonna get some more cake.
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That cake really got to you, huh?
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It haunts me.
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So, what happened next?
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Okay.
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Ground rules have been established.
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Now let's see some of these moves I've heard so much about.
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Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.
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Let's do all the single ladies in this joint a big favor and steal the bouquet.
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Yes, but we'll need... a diversion.
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– Kiss!
– Kiss!
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Kiss! Kiss! Kiss!
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Go, go, go, go, go, go, go.
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So that's what happened to the bouquet.
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You know, good for Victoria. It's such an evil tradition.
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You're not gonna do it at your wedding?
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Hell, yeah, I'm gonna take that flower-grenade and chuck it into the crowd
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and scream, «Crawl for it, bitches!»
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That's just what girls do.
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So, where'd you guys go?
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Very nice.
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Yeah?
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Okay, I don't really know how to tap dance.
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I couldn't tell. Really.
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Well, it's too bad you're not gonna get some tonight.
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Oh, if I wanted some, I could get some.
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No, you couldn't.
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You're a dude.
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– I could get some.
– You could totally get some.
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We're not gonna kiss tonight.
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If-if we kiss, all of this becomes real.
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You-you might use too much tongue.
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I might not use enough. And then suddenly, poof, spell's broken.
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I will use exactly the right amount of tongue.
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Okay, how about this?
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The best part of any first kiss is the lead-up to it.
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The moment right before the lips touch. It's like a big drumroll.
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So... how about tonight, we just stick with the drumroll?
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Okay.
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But we can't kiss.
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Okay.
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A drumroll?
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That's it?
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So, what, you just... you said good night, came home and...
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performed a drum solo?
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Oh, Ted, you're such a doof!
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I mean, this girl sounds amazing.
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She was completely amazing.
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She was amazing and funny, and we connected on every level,
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and I'm never gonna see her again.
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Damn it, I have to see her again!
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– Yes!
– Yes!
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So let's get to work, man. What else do you know about her?
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Nothing. Her name's Victoria-- that's all I got.
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Wait, Claudia, Claudia would know.
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Well, Claudia's on her honeymoon.
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She'll be back in two weeks-- call her then.
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Yes, two weeks. Good idea.
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I'm calling her now.
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No, Ted, you don't mess with a honeymoon.
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Yeah, come on, dude.
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Ask her about the cake.
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Ted?
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Hey, Claudia! Great wedding, beautiful toast, touching stuff.
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How's the honeymoon? Listen, I'm calling because last night I met this girl,
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and I was wondering if you had...
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Oh, you have got to be freaking kidding me!
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Aw, here we go.
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24 hours ago, you were begging... begging me to bring some other girl to my wedding,
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and now, well, uh, you're over her?
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I've moved on?
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What was her name?
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Is it my fat cousin Lindsay?
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Don't be embarrassed-- she has pretty eyes.
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Uh, no. Her name was Victoria. I don't know her last name.
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Well, lucky for you, I know that guest list backwards and forwards.
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Thank God.
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Unlucky for you, there was no Victoria at my wedding. Good-bye, Ted.
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There was no Victoria at the wedding.
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Maybe she used a second fake name.
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Oh, she's good, she's very good.
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Maybe she was ghost.
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That's why she didn't want to kiss you--
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because you'd just pass right through her and feel really cold for a second.
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Oh, my God, I just had a great idea for a screenplay.
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Marshall... she was not a ghost!
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I know that she wasn't a ghost.
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She picked up a bouquet, proving she had corporeal form.
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Wait-wait! She was sitting across from a couple of bridesmaids.
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She must've been at their table. Maybe they know who she was.
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Great. So how do we get in touch with the bridesmaids?
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This better be good-- I am about to enter Nirvana.
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By the way, I should get you Nirvana's phone number. She gives a great massage.
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Say what?!
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– Barney!
– Ow!
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I know the house rules. Es un chiste!
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Listen, Barney, I saw you talking to that bridesmaid last night.
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Did you happen to get her phone number?
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You know I did.
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Great! Um, I'm gonna need you to call her for me.
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You know I won't.
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Why not?
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Because we just hooked up last night.
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I can't call the girl the next day.
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I have to wait at least, like... forever.
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Oh, snap! Never gonna call her.
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Besides, she thinks I'm on my way to India.
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Oh, come on, Barney, it's for a good cause.
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Uh, Ted going all castrati over yet another girl is exactly not a good cause.
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Sorry, buddy, I wish I could help you-- my hands are tied.
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Oh, no, wait-- that was last night.
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Okay, Barney, I'll tell you what I'm going to do.
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You make this call and I will go with you...
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to Foxy Boxing.
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– Really?
– Yeah.
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But you always said the Foxy Boxing girls were neither foxy not good at boxing.
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I'm ready to be proven wrong.
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– Tonight?
– Tonight.
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Dial.
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Yeah, Tanya, turns out I don't leave for the Peace Corps till tomorrow.
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Yeah, I know. It sucks.
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Just one fewer day I get to help people.
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Anyway, this girl-- any idea who she was?
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Hold on.
219
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What kind of shoes was sh... No, Tanya, he's a dude.
220
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He's not going to know what kind of shoes she was wearing.
221
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Actually...
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Oh, come on.
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Hey!
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So what do you want to do next?
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Don't think. First thing that comes into your mind.
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Hold... this...
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and this...
228
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Whoa!
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There she goes.
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Apparently she was wearing brown shoes...
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...with little snowflakes on them.
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Yeah, they do sound cute.
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Any idea who...?
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Okay. Well, thanks anyway.
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Yeah, you take ca...
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What's...?
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Tonight?
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Well, I'm shipping out pretty early, so I won't be able to stay over,
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but, yeah, sure, I'd love to.
240
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Okay. I'll talk to you later.
241
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Sorry, Ted, I won't be able to make Foxy Boxing tonight.
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I understand.
243
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Okay, uh, let's not lose hope.
244
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We'll call the hotel. Maybe she was staying there.
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We'll have them check the registry for anyone named Victoria.
246
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Or maybe she goes by Vicky or Tori...
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Or Ictor.
248
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She probably doesn't go by «Ictor.»
249
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No, you know what?
250
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This is fate.
251
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I am never supposed to see this girl again.
252
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That was the whole point of the night.
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I have just been saved from myself.
254
00:12:22,803 --> 00:12:23,874
Let's drink many beers.
255
00:12:23,980 --> 00:12:24,781
Agreed.
256
00:12:25,171 --> 00:12:26,868
And I thought that was the end of it.
257
00:12:27,053 --> 00:12:28,074
But then...
258
00:12:32,872 --> 00:12:35,492
Hey! There's the anchor lady!
259
00:12:35,601 --> 00:12:36,403
How was it?
260
00:12:36,508 --> 00:12:40,004
Oh, I don't know. Why don't you ask the new substitute weekend anchor?
261
00:12:40,103 --> 00:12:44,063
Robin? Thanks, Robin! It was awesome. Back to you, Robin.
262
00:12:44,240 --> 00:12:46,724
Congrats! That's so cool!
263
00:12:46,831 --> 00:12:49,013
Yeah, I felt really bad bailing on Ted, though.
264
00:12:49,143 --> 00:12:51,397
Oh, don't even worry about it. In fact...
265
00:12:51,491 --> 00:12:53,705
And then Lily told her the whole story,
266
00:12:53,801 --> 00:12:57,158
right down to the brown shoes with the little snowflakes on them.
267
00:12:57,256 --> 00:12:58,611
And by the end of it...
268
00:12:59,953 --> 00:13:00,736
What?
269
00:13:01,830 --> 00:13:03,143
I know who she is.
270
00:13:06,811 --> 00:13:10,259
You know who she is? But you weren't even at the wedding.
271
00:13:10,557 --> 00:13:13,892
Actually, I kind of... was.
272
00:13:14,009 --> 00:13:14,923
What?
273
00:13:15,344 --> 00:13:17,697
Well, after the newscast, I was so excited
274
00:13:17,777 --> 00:13:20,749
I decided to surprise Ted by going to the reception.
275
00:13:33,664 --> 00:13:35,123
Oh, damn it!
276
00:13:35,533 --> 00:13:36,915
Oh, stop it!
277
00:13:37,254 --> 00:13:38,344
What the hell!
278
00:13:39,543 --> 00:13:40,386
Hello?
279
00:13:41,103 --> 00:13:42,085
You okay in there?
280
00:13:42,190 --> 00:13:44,423
Uh, yeah, I'm fine. Um...
281
00:13:44,910 --> 00:13:47,427
Just allergies or something.
282
00:13:47,541 --> 00:13:48,477
I'm fine.
283
00:13:50,600 --> 00:13:54,040
Listen, do you... want to come and cry out here?
284
00:13:54,322 --> 00:13:56,515
I've been told I'm an excellent hugger.
285
00:13:56,616 --> 00:13:57,626
Oh, thanks.
286
00:13:58,677 --> 00:14:01,976
But I don't actually cry in front of people or...
287
00:14:02,561 --> 00:14:04,637
cry at all, for that matter.
288
00:14:05,142 --> 00:14:07,351
Oh, man, it's gross.
289
00:14:08,346 --> 00:14:10,986
Does everyone snot up this much when they cry?
290
00:14:11,493 --> 00:14:14,243
Hey, you're speaking to a fellow snotter.
291
00:14:17,087 --> 00:14:18,491
So, why are you crying?
292
00:14:19,001 --> 00:14:21,692
Because you have feelings for Ted.
293
00:14:22,052 --> 00:14:23,228
I don't know.
294
00:14:23,649 --> 00:14:24,555
Maybe?
295
00:14:24,754 --> 00:14:28,510
Okay, what is wrong with the two of you! Seriously!
296
00:14:28,602 --> 00:14:32,594
He likes you and you like him. And j-j-just be together!
297
00:14:32,710 --> 00:14:35,335
Cheese Louise! Happiness is not that difficult!
298
00:14:35,417 --> 00:14:40,382
Look, okay, yes. I cried in the bathroom and that... was weird.
299
00:14:40,481 --> 00:14:42,872
But that doesn't mean I'm in love with the guy.
300
00:14:42,994 --> 00:14:45,727
The fact is, I-I don't know how I feel.
301
00:14:45,921 --> 00:14:47,312
Yes, you do!
302
00:14:47,426 --> 00:14:49,958
Seeing him with someone else and crying about it?
303
00:14:50,052 --> 00:14:51,891
Guess what? That's how you feel.
304
00:14:51,973 --> 00:14:54,501
That is nothing but how you feel.
305
00:14:56,042 --> 00:14:57,578
Okay, fine. I have feelings for him.
306
00:14:57,666 --> 00:14:58,495
Happy?
307
00:14:58,669 --> 00:15:00,005
Kinda, yeah.
308
00:15:01,896 --> 00:15:04,087
But it doesn't change anything.
309
00:15:04,368 --> 00:15:08,597
I still don't want to get married and he's still... Ted.
310
00:15:09,202 --> 00:15:13,144
What I should do is just tell him who Victoria is so he can be happy.
311
00:15:13,245 --> 00:15:17,273
Or you could tell him that you're into him and then you could both be happy.
312
00:15:18,021 --> 00:15:19,444
I'm going to go find him.
313
00:15:21,002 --> 00:15:21,960
Well, wait.
314
00:15:22,895 --> 00:15:24,800
Which one are you going to tell him?
315
00:15:25,673 --> 00:15:27,014
I have no idea.
316
00:15:28,424 --> 00:15:30,063
And here's the most amazing part--
317
00:15:30,154 --> 00:15:33,472
Because I told her I'd converted all my money to India dollars,
318
00:15:33,585 --> 00:15:36,547
she gave me 50 bucks to take a cab to the airport.
319
00:15:36,633 --> 00:15:39,143
That's right. I just got paid for sex.
320
00:15:40,394 --> 00:15:43,320
I really should give this money to the Peace Corps. They've done so much for me lately.
321
00:15:43,926 --> 00:15:44,812
Hi, guys.
322
00:15:45,115 --> 00:15:45,904
Hey.
323
00:15:46,101 --> 00:15:48,830
Um, Ted, can I talk to you outside for a second?
324
00:15:48,910 --> 00:15:49,652
Yeah, sure.
325
00:15:49,833 --> 00:15:50,606
What's up?
326
00:15:51,030 --> 00:15:53,956
Um... I, uh, I have to tell you something.
327
00:15:54,686 --> 00:15:55,465
Oh...
328
00:15:55,663 --> 00:15:56,703
Oh, just get it.
329
00:15:58,021 --> 00:15:58,661
Hello?
330
00:15:58,759 --> 00:16:00,572
Ted? It's Stuart.
331
00:16:00,683 --> 00:16:03,175
My lovely bride would like to say something to you.
332
00:16:07,998 --> 00:16:12,727
Ted... I'm sorry I hung up on you earlier.
333
00:16:12,823 --> 00:16:16,010
My new husband, and the vodka cranberry,
334
00:16:16,102 --> 00:16:19,906
which cost $10.50 at the freakin' airport bar...
335
00:16:19,991 --> 00:16:22,138
When is this plane going to board?!
336
00:16:22,238 --> 00:16:23,051
Sweet pea?
337
00:16:25,899 --> 00:16:31,354
...have helped me realize that sometimes I can act like a crazy person,
338
00:16:31,446 --> 00:16:35,455
and I don't want my new husband to think I'm a crazy person.
339
00:16:35,638 --> 00:16:37,941
It's fine, Claudia, don't worry about it.
340
00:16:38,186 --> 00:16:41,685
Oh, um, Marshall wanted to know where you guys got that cake.
341
00:16:41,792 --> 00:16:42,710
The cake?
342
00:16:44,903 --> 00:16:46,023
Why don't you take this?
343
00:16:48,022 --> 00:16:49,512
Sounds like you could use it.
344
00:16:50,096 --> 00:16:50,799
Thanks.
345
00:16:51,023 --> 00:16:52,509
You're very sweet.
346
00:16:52,972 --> 00:16:56,440
So are you a friend of the bride or groom?
347
00:16:56,534 --> 00:16:58,554
We got it at this little bakery downtown.
348
00:16:58,773 --> 00:17:00,034
Actually neither.
349
00:17:00,334 --> 00:17:02,012
It's called the Buttercup Bakery.
350
00:17:02,165 --> 00:17:03,835
Pleased to meet you, Buttercup.
351
00:17:04,004 --> 00:17:05,353
I made the cake.
352
00:17:08,471 --> 00:17:10,388
She made the cake.
353
00:17:14,397 --> 00:17:17,283
She wasn't on the guest list because she wasn't a guest.
354
00:17:17,371 --> 00:17:18,868
She made the cake.
355
00:17:19,013 --> 00:17:23,039
She made that cake? Ted, this is the girl.
356
00:17:23,144 --> 00:17:24,882
You got to marry her. Today.
357
00:17:24,969 --> 00:17:26,337
She has to move in with us.
358
00:17:26,653 --> 00:17:27,888
I'm going down to that bakery.
359
00:17:27,974 --> 00:17:29,197
No, no. Don't do it.
360
00:17:29,285 --> 00:17:31,080
Baby, what are you talking about?!
361
00:17:31,762 --> 00:17:34,905
Yeah, all day long you been busting my apple-bag about finding this girl.
362
00:17:34,993 --> 00:17:39,100
Well, I-I just think that... that maybe she's not that into you.
363
00:17:39,192 --> 00:17:42,520
And-and that's why she didn't give you her number.
364
00:17:43,345 --> 00:17:44,307
Robin?
365
00:17:44,541 --> 00:17:47,097
Care to chime in with anything?
366
00:17:48,695 --> 00:17:49,599
Yes.
367
00:17:50,809 --> 00:17:51,654
Ted...
368
00:17:55,283 --> 00:17:56,098
Go get her.
369
00:17:56,785 --> 00:17:58,343
Going. Getting.
370
00:17:58,544 --> 00:18:00,307
Ted, oh, my, gosh, I love this moment. You know why?
371
00:18:00,388 --> 00:18:02,246
'Cause I'm going to say it, and this time, you're actually going to say yes.
372
00:18:02,332 --> 00:18:03,375
You ready? You ready to say yes?
373
00:18:03,448 --> 00:18:05,022
Ted, suit up.
374
00:18:05,135 --> 00:18:05,919
Yes!
375
00:18:06,358 --> 00:18:06,982
No.
376
00:18:07,091 --> 00:18:08,272
Oh, come on!
377
00:18:10,123 --> 00:18:12,485
Whoa. Guess we were gone a while.
378
00:18:12,679 --> 00:18:14,285
Oh, that's too bad.
379
00:18:14,400 --> 00:18:16,783
I was looking forward to one last dance.
380
00:18:38,380 --> 00:18:39,617
Well, yes, I am.
381
00:18:40,329 --> 00:18:42,184
Sorry, I could tell what you were just thinking.
382
00:18:42,306 --> 00:18:43,877
Wow, what was I just thinking?
383
00:18:44,514 --> 00:18:47,266
«Damn, he's looking mighty fine in that tux.»
384
00:18:48,323 --> 00:18:50,491
– You got me. You are good.
– Yeah. Mmm.
385
00:18:50,952 --> 00:18:52,783
You know, I don't look like this every day.
386
00:18:53,160 --> 00:18:57,931
On a real weekend, the real Ted wears a pair of jeans and a sweatshirt with bleach stains on it.
387
00:18:57,975 --> 00:19:01,768
Mmm. The real Ted sounds real sexy.
388
00:19:03,133 --> 00:19:05,292
Too bad I'll never get to see it.
389
00:19:11,315 --> 00:19:13,503
Buttercup Bakery. This is it.
390
00:19:13,615 --> 00:19:14,690
Good luck, dude.
391
00:19:14,905 --> 00:19:16,205
Grab me a cupcake.
392
00:19:19,699 --> 00:19:22,183
Ted? You still with us?
393
00:19:35,134 --> 00:19:36,668
Tell me your last name.
394
00:19:40,608 --> 00:19:43,060
You know there's one little flaw in our plan.
395
00:19:43,160 --> 00:19:44,105
What's that?
396
00:19:44,520 --> 00:19:47,031
I'm going to go home tonight with a lot of great memories
397
00:19:47,123 --> 00:19:49,328
and one really sucky memory.
398
00:19:50,033 --> 00:19:52,280
The memory of you walking out that door.
399
00:19:56,538 --> 00:19:57,630
Hey, Ted.
400
00:19:58,158 --> 00:19:59,043
Yeah?
401
00:20:00,474 --> 00:20:01,895
Close your eyes...
402
00:20:02,887 --> 00:20:04,512
and count to five.
403
00:20:08,255 --> 00:20:09,183
One...
404
00:20:09,998 --> 00:20:10,953
two...
405
00:20:12,080 --> 00:20:13,127
three...
406
00:20:14,740 --> 00:20:15,758
four...
407
00:20:18,194 --> 00:20:19,157
five.
408
00:20:31,373 --> 00:20:36,895
And to our dying days we'll remember everything about that night as perfect.
409
00:20:37,975 --> 00:20:39,464
Maybe we both need that.
410
00:20:40,118 --> 00:20:42,103
I mean, so many things go wrong in life
411
00:20:42,197 --> 00:20:44,183
but this is the one thing that never will.
412
00:20:44,277 --> 00:20:46,055
It will always...
413
00:20:46,808 --> 00:20:50,633
always be pure unadulterated awesome.
414
00:20:51,983 --> 00:20:54,321
And if I walk in there, I'm robbing both of us...
415
00:20:54,428 --> 00:20:57,276
The meter's running, dude. Crap or get off the pot.
416
00:20:57,384 --> 00:20:58,383
Yeah, yeah, I'm going.
417
00:21:23,176 --> 00:21:24,536
Oh, thank God.
418
00:21:31,545 --> 00:21:34,309
Transcripts : Raceman
Subtitles: Willow's Team
www.forom.com
0
00:00:0,500 --> 00:00:2,00
www.tvsubtitles.net
00:00:14,104 --> 00:00:17,740
Kids, in life there are a lot of big romantic moments.
2
00:00:17,843 --> 00:00:19,409
And they make life worth living.
3
00:00:19,606 --> 00:00:20,725
But here's the problem:
4
00:00:21,010 --> 00:00:22,214
moments pass,
5
00:00:22,685 --> 00:00:25,393
and lurking just around the corner from those moments
6
00:00:25,476 --> 00:00:29,227
is a cruel, unshaven bastard named reality.
7
00:00:29,623 --> 00:00:31,979
And so, back in 2006,
8
00:00:32,035 --> 00:00:34,513
on the night of Claudia and Stuart's wedding,
9
00:00:34,635 --> 00:00:36,294
reality was the enemy.
10
00:00:36,566 --> 00:00:38,677
Wow. The Peace Corps?
11
00:00:38,750 --> 00:00:41,242
Yeah. I ship out tomorrow-- two years.
12
00:00:42,470 --> 00:00:46,453
You know, some people say the Peace Corps is the most noble thing a person can do.
13
00:00:46,533 --> 00:00:48,627
To those people, I say, «Is it?»
14
00:00:48,728 --> 00:00:51,504
And usually they say, «Yes, it is.»
15
00:00:52,091 --> 00:00:53,953
Barney, they are so right.
16
00:00:54,101 --> 00:00:55,964
I wish there was something I could do.
17
00:00:56,293 --> 00:00:57,535
Oh, Tanya...
18
00:00:57,757 --> 00:00:59,508
I'm so glad you said that.
19
00:01:01,035 --> 00:01:03,653
This wasn't how I'd thought the night would turn out.
20
00:01:04,279 --> 00:01:07,411
This was finally supposed to be my big moment with Robin.
21
00:01:07,959 --> 00:01:09,444
But then reality came along.
22
00:01:10,396 --> 00:01:13,883
Robin got called up last-minute to anchor the 11:00 news.
23
00:01:14,022 --> 00:01:15,395
It was her big break.
24
00:01:15,586 --> 00:01:18,025
And I went to the wedding stag.
25
00:01:18,406 --> 00:01:20,913
Then, when I least expected it...
26
00:01:31,591 --> 00:01:34,531
Hey, where the hell did you disappear to last night?
27
00:01:34,633 --> 00:01:37,743
I had the most amazing night ever.
28
00:01:37,848 --> 00:01:40,693
Tell me about it. That cake. Best cake I ever had.
29
00:01:40,780 --> 00:01:42,566
Seriously. My stomach was, like,
30
00:01:42,645 --> 00:01:45,243
«Hey, bro, I don't know what you're eating, 'cause I don't have any eyes,
31
00:01:45,324 --> 00:01:48,250
but it's basically awesome, so keep sending it down Gullet Alley.»
32
00:01:48,348 --> 00:01:49,397
Yeah, I know.
33
00:01:49,480 --> 00:01:53,649
My stomach was, like, «Girlfriend, we don't always get along, but that cake...»
34
00:01:53,727 --> 00:01:54,587
Lily.
35
00:01:55,496 --> 00:01:58,799
Oh, right. «Most amazing night ever,» and go.
36
00:01:59,578 --> 00:02:02,112
You know, I should tell you, I have a rule.
37
00:02:02,405 --> 00:02:04,413
I never hook up at weddings.
38
00:02:04,963 --> 00:02:07,068
I'm guessing you haven't always had this rule.
39
00:02:07,289 --> 00:02:10,759
Well, here's the thing, those big romantic moments,
40
00:02:10,840 --> 00:02:13,707
they're great when they happen, but they're not real.
41
00:02:13,812 --> 00:02:17,723
Exactly, exactly-- like-like just now, when I saw you doing the chicken dance out there,
42
00:02:17,819 --> 00:02:20,331
I'm not gonna lie to you, big-time thunderbolt.
43
00:02:20,418 --> 00:02:22,411
Mm. You should see me tap dance.
44
00:02:22,587 --> 00:02:24,140
You'd be down on bended knee.
45
00:02:24,585 --> 00:02:26,354
Sadly not out of character.
46
00:02:26,931 --> 00:02:29,115
But I know now it's just a mirage.
47
00:02:29,267 --> 00:02:30,653
Wedding goggles.
48
00:02:30,847 --> 00:02:34,523
Exactly. And that, in a nutshell, is why I'm not putting the moves on you.
49
00:02:34,748 --> 00:02:36,035
This isn't the moves?
50
00:02:36,124 --> 00:02:37,798
What, you... you think this is the moves?
51
00:02:37,882 --> 00:02:39,660
Believe me, you'd know the moves.
52
00:02:39,744 --> 00:02:42,288
People ten tables away would know the moves.
53
00:02:42,387 --> 00:02:43,993
Oh, that's too bad.
54
00:02:44,100 --> 00:02:45,201
Tell me about it.
55
00:02:45,962 --> 00:02:49,131
You know, I think... I have a solution.
56
00:02:49,225 --> 00:02:50,244
Interested.
57
00:02:50,352 --> 00:02:54,329
And to preface this, we're not gonna sleep together tonight.
58
00:02:54,410 --> 00:02:55,681
Less interested.
59
00:02:56,645 --> 00:02:57,288
Go ahead.
60
00:02:57,376 --> 00:02:58,218
Okay.
61
00:02:58,356 --> 00:03:01,933
So the thing that always screws it up is the next day.
62
00:03:02,025 --> 00:03:03,905
Right? So...
63
00:03:04,068 --> 00:03:06,764
Why don't we just cut that part out?
64
00:03:06,867 --> 00:03:07,629
What are you saying?
65
00:03:07,722 --> 00:03:12,974
I'm saying, I'm here, you're here, this is a big romantic wedding--
66
00:03:13,055 --> 00:03:16,706
why don't we just dance and have a great time,
67
00:03:16,790 --> 00:03:19,844
and then when it's over, never see each other again.
68
00:03:21,751 --> 00:03:24,463
– Unless...
– No. No unless.
69
00:03:24,585 --> 00:03:28,408
No e-mails, no phone numbers, not even names.
70
00:03:28,726 --> 00:03:34,035
Tonight we will make a memory that will never be tarnished.
71
00:03:34,377 --> 00:03:37,158
And then... when we're old and gray,
72
00:03:37,276 --> 00:03:39,355
we'll look back on this night
73
00:03:39,468 --> 00:03:41,035
and it'll be perfect.
74
00:03:42,909 --> 00:03:43,674
Wow.
75
00:03:46,169 --> 00:03:47,604
– Okay, I'm in.
– Okay.
76
00:03:47,702 --> 00:03:49,731
I guess, uh, what, we'll need fake names?
77
00:03:49,881 --> 00:03:53,013
Um... you can call me Buttercup.
78
00:03:53,647 --> 00:03:55,333
Pleased to meet you, Buttercup.
79
00:03:55,438 --> 00:03:57,607
I'm... Lando Calrissian.
80
00:03:59,122 --> 00:04:01,803
Wow, this is kind of exciting. Our names will forever be shrouded...
81
00:04:01,902 --> 00:04:03,698
Ted, Ted, Ted. Look, I got a bridesmaid.
82
00:04:03,794 --> 00:04:06,030
Ted, look, look, Ted, the second hottest bridesmaid.
83
00:04:06,128 --> 00:04:07,371
Ted, look. See ya, Ted.
84
00:04:11,357 --> 00:04:12,502
So, I'm Ted.
85
00:04:12,912 --> 00:04:13,941
Victoria.
86
00:04:15,089 --> 00:04:17,078
– But no last names.
– No last names.
87
00:04:18,758 --> 00:04:21,736
Oh, what is wrong with you?
88
00:04:21,860 --> 00:04:25,994
Dude, that is just, like... a weenie-ass idea.
89
00:04:26,100 --> 00:04:28,359
No, it was awesome-- I had a great night,
90
00:04:28,459 --> 00:04:30,962
I'm never gonna see her again, and there's no way to ruin it.
91
00:04:31,365 --> 00:04:32,913
Ted, how do I explain this to you?
92
00:04:34,538 --> 00:04:36,484
Last night I ate the best cake of my life.
93
00:04:36,757 --> 00:04:38,369
Now, you think I'm gonna let that cake out of my life?
94
00:04:38,409 --> 00:04:40,252
Hell, no. I'm gonna find out what bakery made that cake,
95
00:04:40,332 --> 00:04:42,150
and then I'm gonna get some more cake.
96
00:04:42,797 --> 00:04:44,628
That cake really got to you, huh?
97
00:04:44,847 --> 00:04:46,088
It haunts me.
98
00:04:47,443 --> 00:04:49,267
So, what happened next?
99
00:04:49,708 --> 00:04:50,437
Okay.
100
00:04:51,285 --> 00:04:53,075
Ground rules have been established.
101
00:04:53,257 --> 00:04:56,419
Now let's see some of these moves I've heard so much about.
102
00:05:03,112 --> 00:05:04,354
Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.
103
00:05:05,379 --> 00:05:09,800
Let's do all the single ladies in this joint a big favor and steal the bouquet.
104
00:05:09,888 --> 00:05:12,959
Yes, but we'll need... a diversion.
105
00:05:13,735 --> 00:05:16,016
– Kiss!
– Kiss!
106
00:05:17,545 --> 00:05:19,389
Kiss! Kiss! Kiss!
107
00:05:19,483 --> 00:05:20,441
Go, go, go, go, go, go, go.
108
00:05:20,587 --> 00:05:23,254
So that's what happened to the bouquet.
109
00:05:23,643 --> 00:05:27,441
You know, good for Victoria. It's such an evil tradition.
110
00:05:28,030 --> 00:05:29,361
You're not gonna do it at your wedding?
111
00:05:29,455 --> 00:05:32,715
Hell, yeah, I'm gonna take that flower-grenade and chuck it into the crowd
112
00:05:32,807 --> 00:05:35,229
and scream, «Crawl for it, bitches!»
113
00:05:36,253 --> 00:05:37,661
That's just what girls do.
114
00:05:39,040 --> 00:05:40,241
So, where'd you guys go?
115
00:05:51,513 --> 00:05:52,443
Very nice.
116
00:05:52,549 --> 00:05:53,435
Yeah?
117
00:05:56,098 --> 00:05:57,343
Okay, I don't really know how to tap dance.
118
00:05:57,395 --> 00:05:59,033
I couldn't tell. Really.
119
00:06:01,273 --> 00:06:04,393
Well, it's too bad you're not gonna get some tonight.
120
00:06:04,782 --> 00:06:07,193
Oh, if I wanted some, I could get some.
121
00:06:07,281 --> 00:06:08,366
No, you couldn't.
122
00:06:08,937 --> 00:06:10,034
You're a dude.
123
00:06:10,786 --> 00:06:12,635
– I could get some.
– You could totally get some.
124
00:06:18,425 --> 00:06:19,933
We're not gonna kiss tonight.
125
00:06:22,345 --> 00:06:26,017
If-if we kiss, all of this becomes real.
126
00:06:26,122 --> 00:06:28,589
You-you might use too much tongue.
127
00:06:29,034 --> 00:06:32,211
I might not use enough. And then suddenly, poof, spell's broken.
128
00:06:32,297 --> 00:06:34,750
I will use exactly the right amount of tongue.
129
00:06:36,780 --> 00:06:38,167
Okay, how about this?
130
00:06:40,199 --> 00:06:44,964
The best part of any first kiss is the lead-up to it.
131
00:06:45,086 --> 00:06:51,607
The moment right before the lips touch. It's like a big drumroll.
132
00:06:51,732 --> 00:06:57,691
So... how about tonight, we just stick with the drumroll?
133
00:06:59,477 --> 00:07:00,323
Okay.
134
00:07:00,417 --> 00:07:01,587
But we can't kiss.
135
00:07:02,636 --> 00:07:04,037
Okay.
136
00:07:24,311 --> 00:07:25,812
A drumroll?
137
00:07:26,036 --> 00:07:27,029
That's it?
138
00:07:27,367 --> 00:07:31,061
So, what, you just... you said good night, came home and...
139
00:07:31,391 --> 00:07:33,284
performed a drum solo?
140
00:07:34,329 --> 00:07:36,672
Oh, Ted, you're such a doof!
141
00:07:36,770 --> 00:07:38,587
I mean, this girl sounds amazing.
142
00:07:38,683 --> 00:07:40,454
She was completely amazing.
143
00:07:40,567 --> 00:07:44,769
She was amazing and funny, and we connected on every level,
144
00:07:44,850 --> 00:07:46,612
and I'm never gonna see her again.
145
00:07:48,660 --> 00:07:50,113
Damn it, I have to see her again!
146
00:07:50,233 --> 00:07:51,497
– Yes!
– Yes!
147
00:07:52,290 --> 00:07:54,647
So let's get to work, man. What else do you know about her?
148
00:07:54,743 --> 00:07:57,292
Nothing. Her name's Victoria-- that's all I got.
149
00:07:57,409 --> 00:07:59,129
Wait, Claudia, Claudia would know.
150
00:07:59,223 --> 00:08:00,641
Well, Claudia's on her honeymoon.
151
00:08:00,728 --> 00:08:02,601
She'll be back in two weeks-- call her then.
152
00:08:02,687 --> 00:08:04,698
Yes, two weeks. Good idea.
153
00:08:04,788 --> 00:08:05,751
I'm calling her now.
154
00:08:05,852 --> 00:08:08,402
No, Ted, you don't mess with a honeymoon.
155
00:08:08,508 --> 00:08:09,876
Yeah, come on, dude.
156
00:08:09,970 --> 00:08:11,103
Ask her about the cake.
157
00:08:14,405 --> 00:08:15,165
Ted?
158
00:08:15,278 --> 00:08:19,185
Hey, Claudia! Great wedding, beautiful toast, touching stuff.
159
00:08:19,280 --> 00:08:22,268
How's the honeymoon? Listen, I'm calling because last night I met this girl,
160
00:08:22,344 --> 00:08:24,250
and I was wondering if you had...
161
00:08:24,345 --> 00:08:27,382
Oh, you have got to be freaking kidding me!
162
00:08:27,474 --> 00:08:28,741
Aw, here we go.
163
00:08:28,847 --> 00:08:33,557
24 hours ago, you were begging... begging me to bring some other girl to my wedding,
164
00:08:33,657 --> 00:08:35,633
and now, well, uh, you're over her?
165
00:08:36,069 --> 00:08:37,275
I've moved on?
166
00:08:38,396 --> 00:08:39,233
What was her name?
167
00:08:39,318 --> 00:08:40,285
Is it my fat cousin Lindsay?
168
00:08:40,384 --> 00:08:42,040
Don't be embarrassed-- she has pretty eyes.
169
00:08:42,231 --> 00:08:45,302
Uh, no. Her name was Victoria. I don't know her last name.
170
00:08:45,403 --> 00:08:49,583
Well, lucky for you, I know that guest list backwards and forwards.
171
00:08:49,779 --> 00:08:50,795
Thank God.
172
00:08:51,303 --> 00:08:55,035
Unlucky for you, there was no Victoria at my wedding. Good-bye, Ted.
173
00:09:01,241 --> 00:09:03,394
There was no Victoria at the wedding.
174
00:09:03,810 --> 00:09:06,434
Maybe she used a second fake name.
175
00:09:06,517 --> 00:09:08,826
Oh, she's good, she's very good.
176
00:09:08,913 --> 00:09:10,255
Maybe she was ghost.
177
00:09:10,632 --> 00:09:12,592
That's why she didn't want to kiss you--
178
00:09:12,685 --> 00:09:15,291
because you'd just pass right through her and feel really cold for a second.
179
00:09:15,378 --> 00:09:17,765
Oh, my God, I just had a great idea for a screenplay.
180
00:09:17,880 --> 00:09:20,095
Marshall... she was not a ghost!
181
00:09:20,407 --> 00:09:21,819
I know that she wasn't a ghost.
182
00:09:21,920 --> 00:09:24,585
She picked up a bouquet, proving she had corporeal form.
183
00:09:25,905 --> 00:09:28,179
Wait-wait! She was sitting across from a couple of bridesmaids.
184
00:09:28,268 --> 00:09:30,393
She must've been at their table. Maybe they know who she was.
185
00:09:30,478 --> 00:09:33,009
Great. So how do we get in touch with the bridesmaids?
186
00:09:37,186 --> 00:09:39,789
This better be good-- I am about to enter Nirvana.
187
00:09:39,935 --> 00:09:42,597
By the way, I should get you Nirvana's phone number. She gives a great massage.
188
00:09:42,681 --> 00:09:43,632
Say what?!
189
00:09:43,744 --> 00:09:45,166
– Barney!
– Ow!
190
00:09:45,895 --> 00:09:48,803
I know the house rules. Es un chiste!
191
00:09:49,492 --> 00:09:52,418
Listen, Barney, I saw you talking to that bridesmaid last night.
192
00:09:52,498 --> 00:09:53,920
Did you happen to get her phone number?
193
00:09:54,014 --> 00:09:55,188
You know I did.
194
00:09:55,464 --> 00:09:58,087
Great! Um, I'm gonna need you to call her for me.
195
00:09:58,184 --> 00:09:59,898
You know I won't.
196
00:10:00,520 --> 00:10:01,484
Why not?
197
00:10:01,682 --> 00:10:03,523
Because we just hooked up last night.
198
00:10:03,632 --> 00:10:05,545
I can't call the girl the next day.
199
00:10:05,647 --> 00:10:08,407
I have to wait at least, like... forever.
200
00:10:08,502 --> 00:10:10,513
Oh, snap! Never gonna call her.
201
00:10:11,146 --> 00:10:13,184
Besides, she thinks I'm on my way to India.
202
00:10:13,339 --> 00:10:16,294
Oh, come on, Barney, it's for a good cause.
203
00:10:16,388 --> 00:10:22,089
Uh, Ted going all castrati over yet another girl is exactly not a good cause.
204
00:10:22,203 --> 00:10:24,263
Sorry, buddy, I wish I could help you-- my hands are tied.
205
00:10:24,364 --> 00:10:26,218
Oh, no, wait-- that was last night.
206
00:10:28,592 --> 00:10:30,594
Okay, Barney, I'll tell you what I'm going to do.
207
00:10:30,872 --> 00:10:33,715
You make this call and I will go with you...
208
00:10:34,646 --> 00:10:36,304
to Foxy Boxing.
209
00:10:36,879 --> 00:10:38,241
– Really?
– Yeah.
210
00:10:38,439 --> 00:10:42,090
But you always said the Foxy Boxing girls were neither foxy not good at boxing.
211
00:10:42,197 --> 00:10:43,614
I'm ready to be proven wrong.
212
00:10:44,338 --> 00:10:45,720
– Tonight?
– Tonight.
213
00:10:45,963 --> 00:10:46,836
Dial.
214
00:10:47,769 --> 00:10:50,575
Yeah, Tanya, turns out I don't leave for the Peace Corps till tomorrow.
215
00:10:51,312 --> 00:10:53,206
Yeah, I know. It sucks.
216
00:10:53,295 --> 00:10:55,454
Just one fewer day I get to help people.
217
00:10:56,236 --> 00:10:58,097
Anyway, this girl-- any idea who she was?
218
00:10:59,148 --> 00:10:59,953
Hold on.
219
00:11:00,225 --> 00:11:02,874
What kind of shoes was sh... No, Tanya, he's a dude.
220
00:11:02,970 --> 00:11:05,109
He's not going to know what kind of shoes she was wearing.
221
00:11:05,212 --> 00:11:06,202
Actually...
222
00:11:06,346 --> 00:11:07,839
Oh, come on.
223
00:11:08,792 --> 00:11:09,400
Hey!
224
00:11:11,942 --> 00:11:13,266
So what do you want to do next?
225
00:11:13,481 --> 00:11:15,384
Don't think. First thing that comes into your mind.
226
00:11:17,227 --> 00:11:19,817
Hold... this...
227
00:11:20,318 --> 00:11:21,406
and this...
228
00:11:23,108 --> 00:11:24,054
Whoa!
229
00:11:24,913 --> 00:11:26,019
There she goes.
230
00:11:26,796 --> 00:11:31,320
Apparently she was wearing brown shoes...
231
00:11:31,973 --> 00:11:34,203
...with little snowflakes on them.
232
00:11:35,783 --> 00:11:37,602
Yeah, they do sound cute.
233
00:11:38,441 --> 00:11:39,845
Any idea who...?
234
00:11:40,967 --> 00:11:42,636
Okay. Well, thanks anyway.
235
00:11:42,775 --> 00:11:43,769
Yeah, you take ca...
236
00:11:43,993 --> 00:11:44,708
What's...?
237
00:11:45,466 --> 00:11:46,253
Tonight?
238
00:11:46,440 --> 00:11:50,431
Well, I'm shipping out pretty early, so I won't be able to stay over,
239
00:11:50,511 --> 00:11:51,550
but, yeah, sure, I'd love to.
240
00:11:52,323 --> 00:11:53,849
Okay. I'll talk to you later.
241
00:11:54,596 --> 00:11:56,530
Sorry, Ted, I won't be able to make Foxy Boxing tonight.
242
00:11:56,635 --> 00:11:57,594
I understand.
243
00:11:57,955 --> 00:12:00,120
Okay, uh, let's not lose hope.
244
00:12:00,199 --> 00:12:02,962
We'll call the hotel. Maybe she was staying there.
245
00:12:03,055 --> 00:12:06,051
We'll have them check the registry for anyone named Victoria.
246
00:12:06,149 --> 00:12:08,087
Or maybe she goes by Vicky or Tori...
247
00:12:08,181 --> 00:12:09,067
Or Ictor.
248
00:12:10,483 --> 00:12:12,980
She probably doesn't go by «Ictor.»
249
00:12:15,196 --> 00:12:16,272
No, you know what?
250
00:12:16,558 --> 00:12:17,561
This is fate.
251
00:12:17,707 --> 00:12:19,184
I am never supposed to see this girl again.
252
00:12:19,279 --> 00:12:20,449
That was the whole point of the night.
253
00:12:20,530 --> 00:12:22,705
I have just been saved from myself.
254
00:12:22,803 --> 00:12:23,874
Let's drink many beers.
255
00:12:23,980 --> 00:12:24,781
Agreed.
256
00:12:25,171 --> 00:12:26,868
And I thought that was the end of it.
257
00:12:27,053 --> 00:12:28,074
But then...
258
00:12:32,872 --> 00:12:35,492
Hey! There's the anchor lady!
259
00:12:35,601 --> 00:12:36,403
How was it?
260
00:12:36,508 --> 00:12:40,004
Oh, I don't know. Why don't you ask the new substitute weekend anchor?
261
00:12:40,103 --> 00:12:44,063
Robin? Thanks, Robin! It was awesome. Back to you, Robin.
262
00:12:44,240 --> 00:12:46,724
Congrats! That's so cool!
263
00:12:46,831 --> 00:12:49,013
Yeah, I felt really bad bailing on Ted, though.
264
00:12:49,143 --> 00:12:51,397
Oh, don't even worry about it. In fact...
265
00:12:51,491 --> 00:12:53,705
And then Lily told her the whole story,
266
00:12:53,801 --> 00:12:57,158
right down to the brown shoes with the little snowflakes on them.
267
00:12:57,256 --> 00:12:58,611
And by the end of it...
268
00:12:59,953 --> 00:13:00,736
What?
269
00:13:01,830 --> 00:13:03,143
I know who she is.
270
00:13:06,811 --> 00:13:10,259
You know who she is? But you weren't even at the wedding.
271
00:13:10,557 --> 00:13:13,892
Actually, I kind of... was.
272
00:13:14,009 --> 00:13:14,923
What?
273
00:13:15,344 --> 00:13:17,697
Well, after the newscast, I was so excited
274
00:13:17,777 --> 00:13:20,749
I decided to surprise Ted by going to the reception.
275
00:13:33,664 --> 00:13:35,123
Oh, damn it!
276
00:13:35,533 --> 00:13:36,915
Oh, stop it!
277
00:13:37,254 --> 00:13:38,344
What the hell!
278
00:13:39,543 --> 00:13:40,386
Hello?
279
00:13:41,103 --> 00:13:42,085
You okay in there?
280
00:13:42,190 --> 00:13:44,423
Uh, yeah, I'm fine. Um...
281
00:13:44,910 --> 00:13:47,427
Just allergies or something.
282
00:13:47,541 --> 00:13:48,477
I'm fine.
283
00:13:50,600 --> 00:13:54,040
Listen, do you... want to come and cry out here?
284
00:13:54,322 --> 00:13:56,515
I've been told I'm an excellent hugger.
285
00:13:56,616 --> 00:13:57,626
Oh, thanks.
286
00:13:58,677 --> 00:14:01,976
But I don't actually cry in front of people or...
287
00:14:02,561 --> 00:14:04,637
cry at all, for that matter.
288
00:14:05,142 --> 00:14:07,351
Oh, man, it's gross.
289
00:14:08,346 --> 00:14:10,986
Does everyone snot up this much when they cry?
290
00:14:11,493 --> 00:14:14,243
Hey, you're speaking to a fellow snotter.
291
00:14:17,087 --> 00:14:18,491
So, why are you crying?
292
00:14:19,001 --> 00:14:21,692
Because you have feelings for Ted.
293
00:14:22,052 --> 00:14:23,228
I don't know.
294
00:14:23,649 --> 00:14:24,555
Maybe?
295
00:14:24,754 --> 00:14:28,510
Okay, what is wrong with the two of you! Seriously!
296
00:14:28,602 --> 00:14:32,594
He likes you and you like him. And j-j-just be together!
297
00:14:32,710 --> 00:14:35,335
Cheese Louise! Happiness is not that difficult!
298
00:14:35,417 --> 00:14:40,382
Look, okay, yes. I cried in the bathroom and that... was weird.
299
00:14:40,481 --> 00:14:42,872
But that doesn't mean I'm in love with the guy.
300
00:14:42,994 --> 00:14:45,727
The fact is, I-I don't know how I feel.
301
00:14:45,921 --> 00:14:47,312
Yes, you do!
302
00:14:47,426 --> 00:14:49,958
Seeing him with someone else and crying about it?
303
00:14:50,052 --> 00:14:51,891
Guess what? That's how you feel.
304
00:14:51,973 --> 00:14:54,501
That is nothing but how you feel.
305
00:14:56,042 --> 00:14:57,578
Okay, fine. I have feelings for him.
306
00:14:57,666 --> 00:14:58,495
Happy?
307
00:14:58,669 --> 00:15:00,005
Kinda, yeah.
308
00:15:01,896 --> 00:15:04,087
But it doesn't change anything.
309
00:15:04,368 --> 00:15:08,597
I still don't want to get married and he's still... Ted.
310
00:15:09,202 --> 00:15:13,144
What I should do is just tell him who Victoria is so he can be happy.
311
00:15:13,245 --> 00:15:17,273
Or you could tell him that you're into him and then you could both be happy.
312
00:15:18,021 --> 00:15:19,444
I'm going to go find him.
313
00:15:21,002 --> 00:15:21,960
Well, wait.
314
00:15:22,895 --> 00:15:24,800
Which one are you going to tell him?
315
00:15:25,673 --> 00:15:27,014
I have no idea.
316
00:15:28,424 --> 00:15:30,063
And here's the most amazing part--
317
00:15:30,154 --> 00:15:33,472
Because I told her I'd converted all my money to India dollars,
318
00:15:33,585 --> 00:15:36,547
she gave me 50 bucks to take a cab to the airport.
319
00:15:36,633 --> 00:15:39,143
That's right. I just got paid for sex.
320
00:15:40,394 --> 00:15:43,320
I really should give this money to the Peace Corps. They've done so much for me lately.
321
00:15:43,926 --> 00:15:44,812
Hi, guys.
322
00:15:45,115 --> 00:15:45,904
Hey.
323
00:15:46,101 --> 00:15:48,830
Um, Ted, can I talk to you outside for a second?
324
00:15:48,910 --> 00:15:49,652
Yeah, sure.
325
00:15:49,833 --> 00:15:50,606
What's up?
326
00:15:51,030 --> 00:15:53,956
Um... I, uh, I have to tell you something.
327
00:15:54,686 --> 00:15:55,465
Oh...
328
00:15:55,663 --> 00:15:56,703
Oh, just get it.
329
00:15:58,021 --> 00:15:58,661
Hello?
330
00:15:58,759 --> 00:16:00,572
Ted? It's Stuart.
331
00:16:00,683 --> 00:16:03,175
My lovely bride would like to say something to you.
332
00:16:07,998 --> 00:16:12,727
Ted... I'm sorry I hung up on you earlier.
333
00:16:12,823 --> 00:16:16,010
My new husband, and the vodka cranberry,
334
00:16:16,102 --> 00:16:19,906
which cost $10.50 at the freakin' airport bar...
335
00:16:19,991 --> 00:16:22,138
When is this plane going to board?!
336
00:16:22,238 --> 00:16:23,051
Sweet pea?
337
00:16:25,899 --> 00:16:31,354
...have helped me realize that sometimes I can act like a crazy person,
338
00:16:31,446 --> 00:16:35,455
and I don't want my new husband to think I'm a crazy person.
339
00:16:35,638 --> 00:16:37,941
It's fine, Claudia, don't worry about it.
340
00:16:38,186 --> 00:16:41,685
Oh, um, Marshall wanted to know where you guys got that cake.
341
00:16:41,792 --> 00:16:42,710
The cake?
342
00:16:44,903 --> 00:16:46,023
Why don't you take this?
343
00:16:48,022 --> 00:16:49,512
Sounds like you could use it.
344
00:16:50,096 --> 00:16:50,799
Thanks.
345
00:16:51,023 --> 00:16:52,509
You're very sweet.
346
00:16:52,972 --> 00:16:56,440
So are you a friend of the bride or groom?
347
00:16:56,534 --> 00:16:58,554
We got it at this little bakery downtown.
348
00:16:58,773 --> 00:17:00,034
Actually neither.
349
00:17:00,334 --> 00:17:02,012
It's called the Buttercup Bakery.
350
00:17:02,165 --> 00:17:03,835
Pleased to meet you, Buttercup.
351
00:17:04,004 --> 00:17:05,353
I made the cake.
352
00:17:08,471 --> 00:17:10,388
She made the cake.
353
00:17:14,397 --> 00:17:17,283
She wasn't on the guest list because she wasn't a guest.
354
00:17:17,371 --> 00:17:18,868
She made the cake.
355
00:17:19,013 --> 00:17:23,039
She made that cake? Ted, this is the girl.
356
00:17:23,144 --> 00:17:24,882
You got to marry her. Today.
357
00:17:24,969 --> 00:17:26,337
She has to move in with us.
358
00:17:26,653 --> 00:17:27,888
I'm going down to that bakery.
359
00:17:27,974 --> 00:17:29,197
No, no. Don't do it.
360
00:17:29,285 --> 00:17:31,080
Baby, what are you talking about?!
361
00:17:31,762 --> 00:17:34,905
Yeah, all day long you been busting my apple-bag about finding this girl.
362
00:17:34,993 --> 00:17:39,100
Well, I-I just think that... that maybe she's not that into you.
363
00:17:39,192 --> 00:17:42,520
And-and that's why she didn't give you her number.
364
00:17:43,345 --> 00:17:44,307
Robin?
365
00:17:44,541 --> 00:17:47,097
Care to chime in with anything?
366
00:17:48,695 --> 00:17:49,599
Yes.
367
00:17:50,809 --> 00:17:51,654
Ted...
368
00:17:55,283 --> 00:17:56,098
Go get her.
369
00:17:56,785 --> 00:17:58,343
Going. Getting.
370
00:17:58,544 --> 00:18:00,307
Ted, oh, my, gosh, I love this moment. You know why?
371
00:18:00,388 --> 00:18:02,246
'Cause I'm going to say it, and this time, you're actually going to say yes.
372
00:18:02,332 --> 00:18:03,375
You ready? You ready to say yes?
373
00:18:03,448 --> 00:18:05,022
Ted, suit up.
374
00:18:05,135 --> 00:18:05,919
Yes!
375
00:18:06,358 --> 00:18:06,982
No.
376
00:18:07,091 --> 00:18:08,272
Oh, come on!
377
00:18:10,123 --> 00:18:12,485
Whoa. Guess we were gone a while.
378
00:18:12,679 --> 00:18:14,285
Oh, that's too bad.
379
00:18:14,400 --> 00:18:16,783
I was looking forward to one last dance.
380
00:18:38,380 --> 00:18:39,617
Well, yes, I am.
381
00:18:40,329 --> 00:18:42,184
Sorry, I could tell what you were just thinking.
382
00:18:42,306 --> 00:18:43,877
Wow, what was I just thinking?
383
00:18:44,514 --> 00:18:47,266
«Damn, he's looking mighty fine in that tux.»
384
00:18:48,323 --> 00:18:50,491
– You got me. You are good.
– Yeah. Mmm.
385
00:18:50,952 --> 00:18:52,783
You know, I don't look like this every day.
386
00:18:53,160 --> 00:18:57,931
On a real weekend, the real Ted wears a pair of jeans and a sweatshirt with bleach stains on it.
387
00:18:57,975 --> 00:19:01,768
Mmm. The real Ted sounds real sexy.
388
00:19:03,133 --> 00:19:05,292
Too bad I'll never get to see it.
389
00:19:11,315 --> 00:19:13,503
Buttercup Bakery. This is it.
390
00:19:13,615 --> 00:19:14,690
Good luck, dude.
391
00:19:14,905 --> 00:19:16,205
Grab me a cupcake.
392
00:19:19,699 --> 00:19:22,183
Ted? You still with us?
393
00:19:35,134 --> 00:19:36,668
Tell me your last name.
394
00:19:40,608 --> 00:19:43,060
You know there's one little flaw in our plan.
395
00:19:43,160 --> 00:19:44,105
What's that?
396
00:19:44,520 --> 00:19:47,031
I'm going to go home tonight with a lot of great memories
397
00:19:47,123 --> 00:19:49,328
and one really sucky memory.
398
00:19:50,033 --> 00:19:52,280
The memory of you walking out that door.
399
00:19:56,538 --> 00:19:57,630
Hey, Ted.
400
00:19:58,158 --> 00:19:59,043
Yeah?
401
00:20:00,474 --> 00:20:01,895
Close your eyes...
402
00:20:02,887 --> 00:20:04,512
and count to five.
403
00:20:08,255 --> 00:20:09,183
One...
404
00:20:09,998 --> 00:20:10,953
two...
405
00:20:12,080 --> 00:20:13,127
three...
406
00:20:14,740 --> 00:20:15,758
four...
407
00:20:18,194 --> 00:20:19,157
five.
408
00:20:31,373 --> 00:20:36,895
And to our dying days we'll remember everything about that night as perfect.
409
00:20:37,975 --> 00:20:39,464
Maybe we both need that.
410
00:20:40,118 --> 00:20:42,103
I mean, so many things go wrong in life
411
00:20:42,197 --> 00:20:44,183
but this is the one thing that never will.
412
00:20:44,277 --> 00:20:46,055
It will always...
413
00:20:46,808 --> 00:20:50,633
always be pure unadulterated awesome.
414
00:20:51,983 --> 00:20:54,321
And if I walk in there, I'm robbing both of us...
415
00:20:54,428 --> 00:20:57,276
The meter's running, dude. Crap or get off the pot.
416
00:20:57,384 --> 00:20:58,383
Yeah, yeah, I'm going.
417
00:21:23,176 --> 00:21:24,536
Oh, thank God.
418
00:21:31,545 --> 00:21:34,309
Transcripts : Raceman
Subtitles: Willow's Team
www.forom.com
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00:00:0,500 --> 00:00:2,00
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Перевод
- Перевод:
- субтитры с английского на русский
- Создан:
- 17 октября 2014, владелец: antonio_seb
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