SenorFreebie: комментарии

The first iteration is much clearer.

You are improving I think, or perhaps I exaggerated the confusion with time. Perhaps try to remember that it has a lot to do with specificity.

Fin.

Well; my first pass at least. If you are in no rush to submit after we resolve the few outstanding issues, I might give it another pass.

I'm unsure if this is what you intended to say. If this doesn't sound right to me please explain the sentence.

alt:

Just look how the wretch
is looking at me!

Can you explain this sentence for me in other words?

As follows for the next few lines unless the word order is deliberate.

Same as before; which I noticed was unchanged. Probably best that this is «Sons of bitches» unless it's meant to be somehow archaic or weird.

I've done another pass over the first 8 pages, this time more carefully. I caught some stuff that slipped through the cracks but none of it was major.

>I asked you not to trample our grains.

If he's referring to them because they belong to some group that he is indicating responsibility for, such as his family or his village.

An extraneous portion of the sentence. If it's necessary to convey the original then leave it.

Yours; some predefined or understood spree
Mine; a new, generic, never mentioned spree

>You will have fun
with them, guys...

They will have fun with those people, [term of address]

>You will have fun
with them guys...

parochial language-> They will have fun with those particular guys

>You will have fun
with those guys...

Same as above, non parochial

ALT:
– If you meet a witch on your way

Some specific blood?

If not, if it is generic, then 'the' is extraneous.

No, in fact if this is the case, I am liking your original wording! I also remember discussing this line. Proper elephants, you and me.

Oh well, at least we're onto it now.

I guess so, since it mattered for my comprehension.

Me too. I'm concerned that I began to skim as I got closer to this evening out, and I've only gotten to the corrections (after a wedding, work etc.) by a quite late hour so I might pause a little longer so that I can look over them with fresh eyes.

I've added a suggestion.