Sashka: переводы

→Cryptic much? A meager way to express all those feelings, but somehow, I suspected he’d understand. He knew me. I left it on the bedside table and then watched him for a few moments, admiring the man I loved and always would. Finally, my eyes wet, I turned away and left the room to catch a taxi to the airport.

→I’m sorry–but I have to leave. I told you I’d consider everything, but I was wrong. I love you too much to stay.

→Seth,

→I shape shifted into jeans and a light tank top and found some hotel stationery. On it, I scrawled:

→And so, though it broke my heart, I untangled myself from him. In his heavy sleep, he didn’t stir. Again, the hypocrisy wasn’t lost on me. I’d tried so many times to coax him into one drink, and now I looked down on him for using cocktails as a way to dull the pain. How stupid, I thought, that his darkened soul made it easier for us to finally be together…and yet, for my heart, it made it impossible.

→I didn’t want to lose him. I wanted these last few days with him. I wanted forever with him, but if I stayed, I’d be furthering this attitude I hated. I’d encourage the darkness to build within him. I didn’t want to see it. And as much as I loved him and yearned to cling to a few more moments with him, I realized staying with this Seth who disappointed me so much was a bad idea. Seth had said he’d rather be alone than be with the wrong woman. I’d rather be apart from him than see him like this. I wanted my memories of him to stay pure.

→It was wrong of me to judge, seeing as part of the change over the last year had been a result of me in his life. Yet, once more, that selfish part inside me thought he should have resisted. I’d fallen for Seth because of his moral character, something that always attracted me to a man. Ironic and possibly hypocritical for a servant of Hell. I still loved Seth, still felt that connection, but things were off now. This bitterness, this attitude that made him want to lock himself away in easy, selfish retreat was not what I’d expected of him. I’d expected more.

→Three days. We’d have these three days, and for a little longer, I could pretend he was mine again, just like he used to be. If I chose, I could even make this permanent. I’d told him I’d think about it. The one problem with it all was that things weren’t like they used to be. The dream replayed in my head, the dream that might have been a lie. Seth had been the man in the dream, the one I could have been with if what the Oneroi had showed me was true. But was this Seth lying in my arms the man in the dream? The one I’d dreamed of had been infinitely kind and good–the one I’d fallen in love with. The real Seth had changed–gradually, yes…but the change was there.

→At last, he slept, but I was restless. I watched his peaceful breathing in the darkness, his sleep heavy from the drinks. His skin was warm against mine, and I felt safer than I had in a while.

→We lounged in each other’s arms naked after that, miraculously managing to keep things from escalating. Of course, it was a skill we’d perfected while dating, so we fell into it naturally–though also reluctantly. We stayed up talking for a long time, as though we hadn’t seen each other for years and had a lifetime to catch up on. Which really wasn’t that far from the truth.

→“Three days. That’s perfect. I can handle that. Three more days to think about it all. If we can stay together…then we will. If we can’t, then I’ll be alone until there’s another Georgina.” His wry tone indicated his doubts about that. “For now, this is enough.”

→I nodded. “I can stay for three days.”

→He looked disappointed, but to my relief, he didn’t push the issue again. I might not have been able to resist if he did. “But you’ll stay? You’ll stay the night with me at least?”

→“I don’t know,” I admitted. “That’s the best I’ve got.”

→I lowered my gaze. I didn’t know. I didn’t know why I was here. I’d come to make sure he was okay…but then what? I was always going back and forth. I loved him. I had to forget him. Back and forth.

→“I might ultimately be trying to avoid you, but if I’ve got you now, I might as well enjoy it for the moment.” There was a wicked gleam in his eyes, one I couldn’t help but smile at, despite all the misgivings within me.

→“What was that?” I asked.

→“Damn it,” he said, about as angry as I ever saw him–which always came off pretty mild. “I don’t need a moral angel on my shoulder right now. Just let me…just let me be selfish for once. I want to just be away from it all. I want to hide from my problems for once, instead of always being the responsible one. If you’re just here to torment me with what can or can’t be, then you should just…you should just go. Let me hide out and be free. Let me write the new series and forget about everything else.”

→“Seth! It’s cancer. It’s going to be some level of bad, regardless. How can you abandon them?”

→For a moment, I thought I had him, and then he slowly shook his head. “They’ll be fine without me. And you said yourself they’re waiting to find out more. It might not be that bad.”