Крип / Kryp: Глава 12

Chapter 12

Camrad_RIP 05.11.21 в 15:09

The cloth of the robe rustled, in a peculiar way, very soft, like a silk ribbon. At the same time, both near and infinitely far away. Olga clutched herself into a lump, covered her head with her hands with such force that her joints were in a tired pain, as if she hopelessly persuaded the master to stop torturing herself.

Camrad_RIP 05.11.21 в 15:10

That's enough. She's had enough. There is nothing. There's nothing and there can't be.

Camrad_RIP 05.11.21 в 15:11

A rustle. The rustling grows closer, wider, and wider, filling the universe. Like silk.

Camrad_RIP 05.11.21 в 15:12

Gentle, new silk...

Camrad_RIP 05.11.21 в 15:13

Like a hair ribbon, the very first gift of her life.

Camrad_RIP 05.11.21 в 15:14

/Olechka, wake up, it's time for breakfast!/

Camrad_RIP 05.11.21 в 15:15

What is it? Where is it from...?

Camrad_RIP 05.11.21 в 15:15

/Well, there you are again, hiding. You're probably under the table with the book again, aren't you?/

Camrad_RIP 05.11.21 в 15:16

The smile of a mother, the best person in the world. The kindest, brightest person who loves you just for being in the world. A mother's love is the last refuge for even the most disgusting scoundrel. But little Olga is not like that, she's good. And her mother is good. Everyone is very good, even her older brother and daddy. Only daddy has become angry a lot. And when he is angry, he drinks a lot of water from a bottle and becomes very strange. And he does strange, unpleasant things. And brother imitates him in everything and also behaves badly. My mother gets upset and feels bad.

Camrad_RIP 05.11.21 в 15:18

/Found ya! Who's the prettiest? Who's the smartest? Who's the most obedient? Who is going to put the book down and go to the table?/

Camrad_RIP 05.11.21 в 15:19

Olga felt warmth. A pleasant warmth glid over her body. It washed away the heaviness, the pain, the fatigue. This is how the summer sun warms up when the morning chill is gone, but the heat of the day is a little late. So warms a light-down blanket on a Sunday morning, giving moments of the most wonderful sleep of the week.

Camrad_RIP 05.11.21 в 15:21

She didn't open her eyes, but even through her tightly closed eyelids she could see, feel, the golden glow that gently flooded everything around her. It was pleasant to sit in, it called to dissolve in the glow, to float away on the carefree waves of happiness somewhere far away from here. Somewhere where everything would be fine.

Camrad_RIP 05.11.21 в 15:21

As it was once ...

Camrad_RIP 05.11.21 в 15:22

/Porridge is healthy, and we'll make it delicious, too! A drop of butter, a spoonful of syrup... Like this. A spoonful for Olechka./

Camrad_RIP 05.11.21 в 15:23

Mirror. The mirror she found. How she want to look into it and see a child's face with naughty pigtails. A face from her childhood, which seems so far away that it was not there at all.

Camrad_RIP 05.11.21 в 15:24

She was named after an ancient princess. Her mother chose it herself, so that the girl would have the most beautiful name. It sounds full and deep, resonating with every sound, like a bell ringing. And if you want, you can also soften it, very, very gently. Olenka, Olechka... Oleshek, Oleshek, where are your horns? That's what Daddy used to call her, when he came home, bringing the heavy smell of gasoline and work. It was so great! But time went on.Dad would come back later and later. And "Olesha" was called to his daughter less and less often. It was as if everyone had forgotten her name."Daughter, daughter" to her mother, who began to fade, fade and turn into a shadow of her former self. And her father always had other words ready for her now... So did her girlfriends, who had become "exes" overnight.

Camrad_RIP 05.11.21 в 15:27

The warm, kind light around her faded. Deep gray shadows seeped through my eyelids. They surrounded me, like the Dementors from the fairy tale about the magical freeloader with the round glasses. They swarmed, emptying the soul, picking out all the light and good things that remained in the memory to the very bottom. Everything that was "before", leaving only what became "after". After little Olechka stopped being a beloved Olechka and understood well what bitter water is poured into special bottles for adults.

Camrad_RIP 05.11.21 в 15:30

Mirror! Here it is, warm and cozy, even through the fabric of the jacket it clings to the palm of the hand.

Camrad_RIP 05.11.21 в 15:31

"Poor child."

Camrad_RIP 05.11.21 в 15:32

Who said that? Olga didn't understand. The voice was just present. It came from everywhere, but it did not break into consciousness from outside, but was born very softly, naturally. Like the whispering of the best friend in the world, who would never let her down and would always give her a shoulder to lean on.

Camrad_RIP 05.11.21 в 15:45

Like the words... of a mother?

Camrad_RIP 05.11.21 в 15:45

"Children. They were once called the flowers of life. In the age of steel anthills, few people know what a "flower" is. But I do. I remember. A child's soul is like a closed bud, ready to blossom, to open to the world. The most amazing miracle of the universe is a child whose destiny is not yet written. But like a flower, it is easy to trample, to humiliate, to mutilate. And how often this happens..."

Camrad_RIP 05.11.21 в 15:46

Olga wanted to cry. The tears rolled away on their own, seeping through her eyelids. Somewhere far, far away, at the very bottom of her consciousness, a lonely, pathetic voice of common sense screamed, wailing, warning her of something bad. That it was time to open her eyes and look around, no matter what horrors awaited her. That she had to save herself.

Camrad_RIP 05.11.21 в 15:48

But it seemed too scary. Olga fumbled with the dirty fabric and pulled the trinket out of her pocket. She clenched it in her fist. She pressed her knees to her chest, wrapped her arms around herself, trying to regain the feeling of all-encompassing warmth. To dive back into the golden glow. She wept bitterly in self-pity and understanding how right the kind voice of the world's best friend was.

Camrad_RIP 05.11.21 в 15:49

There were times when she wanted to die. But now she just didn't want to be. Olga felt like she was in the middle of a terrible merry-go-round of memories, a swirling theater of sinister shadows.

Camrad_RIP 05.11.21 в 15:50

/It's because of you he drinks!

Camrad_RIP 05.11.21 в 15:53

/Catch the freak.

Camrad_RIP 05.11.21 в 15:54

/Why isn't your homework done, you bitch!

Camrad_RIP 05.11.21 в 15:54

/The boots are dirty again! And they're torn, too. There's not enough money for you. You're like a homeless!

Camrad_RIP 05.11.21 в 15:56

/It's meanness, real meanness to get so dirty!

Camrad_RIP 05.11.21 в 15:56

/Why are you yelling, why are you yelling? Oh, does the belt hurt you? Doesn't it hurt me to wash your clothes every day? You've been messing around in them!

Camrad_RIP 05.11.21 в 15:57

/What a beautiful barrette you have, and give it here, I need it more.

Camrad_RIP 05.11.21 в 15:58

/Catch her, beat her!

Camrad_RIP 05.11.21 в 15:58

/You'll eat it because it's healthy! Or do you want to die of tuberculosis?!

Camrad_RIP 05.11.21 в 15:59

"It's okay. It's okay. After all, what has already happened is gone forever, it's gone. It is dispelled by the blowing of time and is only stored in our memory. All the evil in the world is only the memory of our grief, a heavy burden that man cannot shed. But it's so easy to straighten up, to straighten your shoulders, to leave behind everything that has been slowly poisoning your soul."

Camrad_RIP 05.11.21 в 16:01

Olga howled, choking back tears, whimpering at the correctness of the invisible Friend's words. Who became closer than a mother, better than a mother. After all, he understood her like no one else. And his speech promised peace, deliverance from grief, a new life.

Camrad_RIP 05.11.21 в 16:03

"It's okay..."

Camrad_RIP 05.11.21 в 16:03

The voice sounded very close. It reached out and wrapped around Olga's very soul like delicate silk. It enveloped her, shut her off from all the horrors of the past and the present.

Camrad_RIP 05.11.21 в 16:04

It promised.

Camrad_RIP 05.11.21 в 16:05

It gave peace.

Camrad_RIP 05.11.21 в 16:06

"Now everything will be all right... I'll show you how to throw off the weight that people carry on their weak shoulders. It's as easy as walking through a tough door with no walls. You just have to see it and go around it. But before you can give up evil, you have to realize it. To understand it, to let it go."

Camrad_RIP 05.11.21 в 16:08

Just want to ... To understand, to let go.

Camrad_RIP 05.11.21 в 16:08

And finally the obliging, frantic memory, with treacherous readiness, showed Olga what was the worst. Well, almost... Worse than her drunken father, worse than poverty and unsettlement, worse than her sadistic brother and angry peers, who had discovered too early and too quickly how easy it was to bully a weak girl who loved books.

Camrad_RIP 05.11.21 в 16:09

What's stuck in her soul with a thin needle forever. She can't forget it, she can't get it out! The words once spoken in the heat of a woman, exhausted to the limit by her backbreaking labor and family troubles. Disappointed by the failure of her daughter, from whom so much was expected and so little received. And then repeated, in the same state of unconsciousness. And again, a little calmer, just out of anger. And again, a little calmer. And again, and again. Over and over again. Until they were just a regular statement.

Camrad_RIP 05.11.21 в 16:11

/I wish you were dead. I would have cried on your grave and lived in peace

Camrad_RIP 05.11.21 в 16:12

/I wish you were dead...

Camrad_RIP 05.11.21 в 16:12

"You want some happiness. But I will give you something better."

Camrad_RIP 05.11.21 в 16:13

"What could be better than happiness?" - silently asked the little, little girl. And her best friend answered:

Camrad_RIP 05.11.21 в 16:14

"His anticipation. That moment when suffering still lasts, but you already believe in a better life. You know that the bad will pass and the good will surely come. Better than happiness is the near hope of finding it. And I will share that hope with you."

Camrad_RIP 05.11.21 в 16:15