Его не звали, но он приперся / They never called, yet he is here: Газета

Press Review
* * *
"Undermountin report N37029"

Camrad_RIP 25.03.25 в 08:19

Iron production at site N17 at level -22 has decreased by 27% compared to the previous quarter. The Council of Elders will discuss the feasibility of further development at the next meeting.

Camrad_RIP 25.03.25 в 08:19

The Zapryshnevsky clan raised the purchase prices for beer raw materials by 15% (added in crude handwriting: hairy-legged f@gg0тs!). The Council of Elders will consider the possibility of purchasing raw materials from alternative suppliers at the next meeting.

Camrad_RIP 25.03.25 в 08:20

The Seventh Brigade, while developing the mithril section N3 at level -47, exceeded the maximum allowed development depth (AGAIN!!!???). Fortunately, the section was equipped with the latest "You Shall Not Pass!" type defense system, developed and installed by the Gray Magi Guild. The barlog's breakthrough to the upper levels was prevented. The families of the dead and injured will receive compensation. The surviving members of the brigade's leadership were publicly shaved and demoted. The Council of Elders will decide on the fate of the blocked section and the amount of compensation at the next meeting.

Camrad_RIP 25.03.25 в 08:21

The condition of the venerable master Urzak remains stably grave. The initial version about poisoning by drow saboteurs was not confirmed. In moments of rare improvement, he constantly repeats: "My Hammer! My Hammer!" The Council of Elders wishes the master a speedy recovery.

Camrad_RIP 25.03.25 в 08:22

The situation in Eternal remains difficult. Information about the dead and injured is being clarified. The Council of Elders has announced a collection of aid for survivors and relatives of the injured. Pickaxes and helmets are not accepted!!!

Camrad_RIP 25.03.25 в 08:22

Attention! Due to the events in Eternal, a state of heightened danger has been declared throughout the entire Undermountain! All Outer Gates will be closed and switched to a special access control regime. The Council of Elders asks that all suspicious cases be reported and that the closest attention be paid to those returning from the surface! (F@@k these ground f@gs!!!)

Camrad_RIP 25.03.25 в 08:23

* * *
"Forest News, Issue N443 of 1.234.567.27."

Camrad_RIP 25.03.25 в 08:27

The crisis of the first half-millennium has arrived? Don't know what to do with yourself? Do your old hobbies not bring the same pleasure? Can't figure out what to do for the rest of eternity? The wife of Star Lord Elrond, the charming Lady Eledriel, shared her advice with our readers. Read her interview: "After five hundred, eternity is just beginning!"

Camrad_RIP 25.03.25 в 08:28

A personal unicorn is every Star Maiden's dream! However many do not know how to properly care for such a pet. What food is best for foals and what for adults? The foal's horn is growing - how to relieve the itching and relieve irritation? How to care for the mane and tail? Is it worth shoeing, and if so, what kind of unicornshoes? You will learn the answers to these and many other questions in our interview with the venerable Fearel, who raised more than one herd of unicorns during his long life and bred two universally recognized breeds.

Camrad_RIP 25.03.25 в 08:29

Why shouldn't you rush to reach level 10? How not to make a mistake with the choice of the first class, so as not to regret it for the rest of eternity? Which classes will be most in demand in the current millennium? What skills and how should you develop to obtain a particular class? What to do if there is no predisposition to the chosen specialization? Look for answers to these questions in our interview with the permanent head of the Legael Tryduilsky Gymnasium.

Camrad_RIP 25.03.25 в 08:30

The Council of Hierarchs expresses its deepest condolences to the relatives of our brothers and sisters who died in the Eternal. The best specialists from all the Forests are sent to the Eternal Forest for the physical and mental treatment of the victims.

Camrad_RIP 25.03.25 в 08:30

* * *
"In the Eternal about the eternal, with Duchess Popadour"

Camrad_RIP 25.03.25 в 08:31

The catastrophe of a millennium! Where were the Emperor's Eyes looking?! Who will answer for the tragedy?!

Camrad_RIP 25.03.25 в 08:31

The End of the Dynasty?! It is officially confirmed, that Emperor Pradius the Merciless is dead, First Prince Warudo too! According to unconfirmed information, only a tenth of the Eternals remain alive! What awaits the Empire?!

Camrad_RIP 25.03.25 в 08:32

The new Empress - Walzea the Eternal First! How did the princess from the very bottom of the succession list take the throne? What happened to her entire retinue? Why was she the only Eternal in the capital to survive the Fall? Who is her new adjutant, about whom no one knows anything? A secret lover, and now an official favorite? Does the Empress like younger men? We managed to get an interview with one of her new retinue, which we published below:

Camrad_RIP 25.03.25 в 08:33

"Are you f@cking completely nuts?!"

Camrad_RIP 25.03.25 в 08:33

Financial disaster! Is the Empire bankrupt?! What about the deposits of tens of thousands of citizens?! The inhabitants of the Empire demand an answer:

Camrad_RIP 25.03.25 в 08:34

Where is our gold?! There are reports of empty vaults, safe deposit boxes, and caches not only from all over the Empire but from all over the continent! The head of the house, Bassil Ezless, is dead. His successor, Agniya Ezless, refuses to comment.

Camrad_RIP 25.03.25 в 08:34

Attention! We remind you that according to the decree of Empress Valzea the Eternal First, all those who survived the Fall are forbidden to leave the Capital without undergoing a full double-check by representatives of the highest Church Hierarchs or representatives of the Imperial Army. Violators are equated with traitors to the Empire and are subject to a military field tribunal. All pregnant women are required to undergo additional checks, regardless of the period. This also applies to all those who engaged in sexual intercourse of any kind during the Fall! Also, all those who survived the Fall are strongly advised to refrain from any sexual intercourse for the next three years!

Camrad_RIP 25.03.25 в 08:36