Господин Барон / The Baron: 4

* * *
The next day began boringly. In the morning, the usual wake-up call, breakfast (still alone), the gallivanting excursionists scurrying around the castle, a satisfied cat who got a piece of fried fish, and... boredom.

Camrad_RIP 19.11.21 в 21:28

I was not going to take part in the management of the barony. First of all, I did not want to become mayor of a provincial district center. Secondly, von Schnitze had slipped me two documents to sign, under which the police and municipal employees now worked for me, or rather on my behalf. Fortunately, for these two months, the city had enough money for running costs and services. It was doubly fortunate that there was no need to take the oath of office. With the seriousness with which all the servants of the castle museum take my baronial status, it might have been that even after their return to the Federation the boys would quite seriously consider themselves my vassals.

Camrad_RIP 19.11.21 в 21:31

I suppose Egilbert himself suspected it. Had it not been for my presence at the Barons' Council, I would never have known anything about this lovely but ludicrous country. Well, as long as everyone pretends that everything is going exactly as it should, I'll try, too. So during the meeting of the Baron, the Chief of Police and the Mayor, no one raised unnecessary questions. Everyone amicably pretended that I had the same authority as they did. I asked them to send me daily reports, but beyond that to make do with their own wits. The "foreman of the city guard" and the "baron's grace administrator of the Gravstein estate" breathed a sigh of relief, assuring me that everything would be just fine! Apparently, this "constitutional barony" suited them completely. The only decree I issued said that everything must go as it was supposed to go. It was enough to ensure my invisible presence in administrative matters.

Camrad_RIP 19.11.21 в 21:33

The locals knew they were in a mess with this referendum, but would they admit it out loud? Never! I had a vague idea how stubborn these fellows could be, and I decided that I would have a good time at their expense, without going into the small details of their lives. No, we barons are very busy people without the management of our lands. If not to go on a crusade, then at least to sit in the library...

Camrad_RIP 19.11.21 в 21:35

There was nothing more or less interesting in the bookcases. Of historical works - only "Ivanhoe" and other novels of chivalry, on Romania - the same Brem Stoker and a thin collection of "Traditions and superstitions of Eastern Europe". Most of the rest of the library are albums, almanacs, and half-century-old magazine covers. Well, I had no choice, so I had to eat what I was given.

Camrad_RIP 19.11.21 в 21:36

"Mr. Baron?"

Camrad_RIP 19.11.21 в 21:38

"Egelbert, how many times do I have to tell you?"

Camrad_RIP 19.11.21 в 21:39

"Sorry, Alexander, it's a habit."

Camrad_RIP 19.11.21 в 21:39

Yeah, he hasn't called anyone that in a quarter of a century.

Camrad_RIP 19.11.21 в 21:40

"And so?"

Camrad_RIP 19.11.21 в 21:40

"Remember when you were talking about local delicacies? I'm ready to demonstrate..." He was still talking, and I was on my way to the door. No, I wasn't hungry, but the boredom could be dispelled!

Camrad_RIP 19.11.21 в 21:41

Madame van Storre let me into her territory with suspicion. Like he might be a baron, but what if he steals the jam? An elderly but very active lady. As it turned out - perfectly throwing knives. In fact, when I rushed into the kitchen had to quickly jump out of there - a knife flying in front of my face, made me a little nervous. In the conversation that followed, the apologetic cook explained that she had seen a movie where some cook was throwing sharpened objects like that, had been inspired by the idea and had been taking part in the annual fairs as a "Beautiful Amazon, capable of throwing any blade" for ten years. Those Eskenland pensioners and their hobbies! Had to praise and watch a short demonstration program. I'm not going to spoil my relationship with the woman who cooks for me. The cook was quite adept at throwing five kitchen knives, a fork, and a meat cleaver (the latter with her eyes closed and her back to the target), blushing sweetly, and she sat down in a curtsy, and I applauded.

Camrad_RIP 19.11.21 в 21:45

The next moment, with a shriek, the old woman dashed out of the kitchen.

Camrad_RIP 19.11.21 в 21:45

I looked after her and turned my gaze to the steward standing at the exit from the basement. He walked solemnly to the table and placed on it a strange bundle, which he carried in his hands.

Camrad_RIP 19.11.21 в 21:46

"The most recognizable dish of Eskeland cuisine, you might say, the symbol of the country! Here you go." He unwrapped the cloth and removed the lid from a three-liter pot. "Sagdimirl!"

Camrad_RIP 19.11.21 в 21:47

I tried to turn away, then to hold my breath, but it was all useless!

Camrad_RIP 19.11.21 в 21:47

"It seems to be rotten."

Camrad_RIP 19.11.21 в 21:51

"No, no, it always smells like that. This is fresh. It really smells when it's properly infused. For a connoisseur, it's... very, yes. Very!"

Camrad_RIP 19.11.21 в 21:51

I tried to blink. Smell... Very, yes. That's right - very! I involuntarily staggered back to hit the target and thought that if I got a piece, I'd grab an ax and fight back!

Camrad_RIP 19.11.21 в 21:52

"I bet you don't have a lot of home burglaries around here."

Camrad_RIP 19.11.21 в 21:53

"Yes, indeed, we are in the penultimate place in the region!"

Camrad_RIP 19.11.21 в 21:53

"You betcha. Heaven forbid you to drop a pot of it on yourself in the dark, then not even your wife would let you back home - the police wouldn't let you go to jail!"

Camrad_RIP 19.11.21 в 21:54

"You exaggerate, Mr. Baron." The old man is clearly offended. "It is a common delicacy! Every esk used to have a pot of sägdimirl in the basement. It may not be as popular now, but it is a symbol of the country! Every local housewife knows how to make it! It is the oldest of our delicacies!" And he moved the pot and sliced bread to me and began to explain the details of the cooking process.

Camrad_RIP 19.11.21 в 21:56

Five times during this monologue, I tried to bring the sandwich with the gray-brown-green lumpy mass to my mouth, but each time I got nauseous. Occasionally I would ask again, trying to show my attention to national traditions:

Camrad_RIP 19.11.21 в 21:57

"So, until the larvae appear? What if the algae haven't been out in the sun enough? What, only three weeks is enough?" And so on, trying to breathe as little as possible.

Camrad_RIP 19.11.21 в 21:57

Von Schnitze sang like a nightingale.

Camrad_RIP 19.11.21 в 21:58

"Taste? Oh, that unforgettable taste! It's very... peculiar."

Camrad_RIP 19.11.21 в 22:09

"Have you tried this one yet? Are you sure it hasn't gone rotten?"

Camrad_RIP 19.11.21 в 22:10

"Alas, I have a sick liver, these delicacies are not for me!"

Camrad_RIP 19.11.21 в 22:10

Yeah, and eating a half-pound chunk of fried ham for dinner is some kind of special diet? After looking at the "delicacy," I firmly closed the pot and pushed away. To hell with it, politeness, I value my health!

Camrad_RIP 19.11.21 в 22:11

"Where do you think, Egelbert, did the idea of such a dish come from in the first place?"

Camrad_RIP 19.11.21 в 22:17

The old man shrugged:

Camrad_RIP 19.11.21 в 22:18

"Probably because we always have plenty of barnacles and seaweed here."

Camrad_RIP 19.11.21 в 22:18

I see. We have too many smart people, so our favorite pastime is to eat our neighbors' brains. But here, peaceful people live, they make do with mussels.

Camrad_RIP 19.11.21 в 22:19

"Why is the pot full?"

Camrad_RIP 19.11.21 в 22:20

"Mmm...I wanted to save it for the holidays. The advantage of sagdimirl is that it can be stored for a long time!"

Camrad_RIP 19.11.21 в 22:21

"Valuable. Keep it, and keep it away from me!" The old man sighed sadly and put away his "unforgettable" delicacy. Yes, the thing is really exotic and memorable, but why do I need the fame of a poisoner? I'll have to think of something else.

Camrad_RIP 19.11.21 в 22:22

"You know, Egelbert, I think that's a little too... extreme. Save it for special guests, take it somewhere else... like the basement. Instead, let's do something simpler."

Camrad_RIP 19.11.21 в 22:22

Greetings from my childhood - the simplest garlic sauce that every housewife makes in her own way. I chopped, grated, mixed, chuckling to myself. The local cuisine is a bit bland, so we'll treat the Esks to some spicy stuff.

Camrad_RIP 19.11.21 в 22:23

Finally, everything was ready. The old man put some on the bread, took a bite, listened to how it felt, and slowly began to blush.

Camrad_RIP 19.11.21 в 22:24

"Like it?"

Camrad_RIP 19.11.21 в 22:24

"Hm-hhh!"

Camrad_RIP 19.11.21 в 22:25

"That's strange. After all, the recipe is from your neighbors..."

Camrad_RIP 19.11.21 в 22:25

"Y-yes?"

Camrad_RIP 19.11.21 в 22:25

I had to offer him a glass of water. And he shouldn't have given his baron an unknown disgusting dish!

Camrad_RIP 19.11.21 в 22:26

"You drink, you drink... The famous Frecken Bock used to make something similar. I only changed some of the ingredients and used a little less pepper."

Camrad_RIP 19.11.21 в 22:27

"Me-e?"

Camrad_RIP 19.11.21 в 22:27

"I agree, it's a little bland. Do you think it will be remembered by the visitors?"

Camrad_RIP 19.11.21 в 22:27

The manager immediately nodded. And poured another glass of water. Did I do something wrong? Well, at least the tourists will be impressed for a long time.

Camrad_RIP 19.11.21 в 22:29

After spending another half an hour under the gaze of the returning cook, who remembered all the details, I put a national-nostalgic dish on the plate.

Camrad_RIP 19.11.21 в 22:30