Господин Барон / The Baron: Глава 18

Chapter 18

Camrad_RIP 01.02.23 в 08:12

How do you spot a law enforcement officer among similarly dressed people? Easy!

Camrad_RIP 03.02.23 в 17:01

I have nothing against cops, any kind of work is honorable, but they have one unpleasant trait, apparently stemming from professional deformation. For some reason, they always stand in the aisle. And in such a way that you have to go around them, making unnecessary movements. I knew a cop once, and when I told him about this, he was very surprised, thought about it, and confirmed it, feeling embarrassed. He was a good kid, yeah. Only he did all this while blocking my way from the room to the kitchen. Involuntarily. He obviously didn't understand why I was having this conversation.

Camrad_RIP 03.02.23 в 17:02

Now, if I tell one of the three people in the room about my observation, he as well will think about it and then confirm it. The other will remain silent or say something unpleasant.

Camrad_RIP 03.02.23 в 17:03

The third one is me.

Camrad_RIP 03.02.23 в 17:03

And we are all in the office of the local police station. For now, the pretext is "to find out what's going on". By this uncomplicated euphemism is meant the crude "until we find something to put you in jail for". Naturally, it's all about our prank this morning.

Camrad_RIP 03.02.23 в 17:04

The museum, the scandal, the commotion, the boisterous announcement, the howling of the alarm, the smoke, and the screaming - it was fun! Now, though, it's not too boring either. A relatively comfortable chair, a policeman at the door looking curiously, and a gray fellow from the ubiquitous caste of paper rats studying something important in the papers opposite and occasionally looking at me with a very-very meaningful look. Well, well.

Camrad_RIP 03.02.23 в 17:05

He has nothing on me, and he's just looking at me, preparing a client, waiting for some important person. What's in the papers is also no secret. There's a listing of the reasons why I was detained, and he has already gone to the fourth, it seems, circle of study. Apparently, he liked the description, but it is not surprising. The sight was amusing. Well, it is quite clear that the important face will not appear until my plane leaves, the tickets for which were carefully studied first thing. It was as if leaving the beautiful land of wine, cheese, and strikes was such a difficult thing to do.

Camrad_RIP 03.02.23 в 17:07

Leaning back in my chair, I smiled benignly at the policeman and closed my eyes without paying attention to the muttering. I had no intention of protesting or demanding. First of all, I was caught red-handed, and second, don't get too excited before you're charged. He gives you a meaningful look? Say something threatening? Looming, threatening terrible penalties? Don't pay attention to the yapping dogs; you have to be wary of the grinning ones.

Camrad_RIP 03.02.23 в 17:13

"Well, well. However!" The official, judging by the sounds, carefully turned the last page, filed the sheets into a stack evenly... and rustled again. No, he's a professional, after all. He'd rather yell and threaten. It is less nerve-wracking. I needed a distraction, but with what?

Camrad_RIP 03.02.23 в 17:15

With a sigh, I began to remember everything that had caused me to end up at the station. Right from yesterday morning.

Camrad_RIP 03.02.23 в 17:15

The " poor victim," insidiously lured into the cells, did not quiet down until morning (I, it turns out, still can!), and when she awoke, she threatened every punishment, to which I replied by accusing her of sorcery and bad temper. Ah, there was a time when that was enough for scourging and a pillar of shame! Then I complimented her and sent her away, for the hint of chains and flogging made the "innocent prisoner"'s cheeks redden and her breathing quicken.

Camrad_RIP 03.02.23 в 17:16

Rape, on a particularly large scale and in a particularly cynical way. And I was the victim. The happy winner left the castle with a triumphant smile, and I was left to mourn the destruction in the torture chamber: the rack had endured a month of abuse, but it had broken on us. I don't know whether that's a cause for grief or pride.

Camrad_RIP 03.02.23 в 17:17

However, I did not have to cry for long: first, the traditional breakfast, and then I puzzled the chief of the guard about the need to find thirty men in Paris who would be willing to do a great folly for cheap and preferably even willing to do anything for the love of folly alone. The Gascon was puzzled, asked for what needs, and after explaining, he brightened up, saying that he could easily gather a hundred. I did not ask him how much he would charge them for participating in the real robbery.

Camrad_RIP 03.02.23 в 17:18

Then I made some calls to old acquaintances and invited von Windifrosch to my place.

Camrad_RIP 03.02.23 в 17:19

Elepar showed up half an hour later, looking like a puppy who had been lounging in his apartment when he heard the coveted "go for a walk!" - except he wasn't wagging his tail. How he knew about Esk's visit and the request to return the relic, I did not ask. The province, one place said and a minute later discussed ten kilometers away. I puzzled the baron colleague with the transportation of a valuable cargo, a box labeled "Gravstein souvenirs," which he was to deliver unopened to the hotel with the rooms I had booked.

Camrad_RIP 03.02.23 в 17:21

In fact, it was the contents of this box that formed the basis of my plan, which was both grandiose and ingenious in its simplicity. But without it, I would have found something else. I had something to think about at night, distracting myself from the torture, didn't I?

Camrad_RIP 03.02.23 в 17:21

I had been watching the siege this morning with one eye, noting the points of the operation in the paper, so I missed the moment when Marty fought three Italian mercenaries alone. Sato, well done, didn't screw up, bursting into the ranks of the attackers with a slightly shrill, but therefore much more impressive fighting swear in his native language. The berserker of the Rising Sun bowed apologetically to everyone he threw off the wall! And then guiltily shrugged under the angry yell of a martial friend who didn't have enough victims.

Camrad_RIP 03.02.23 в 17:23

Then Izia reported that everything was ready and gave the contacts of the group commander. Then Sir Ulfric brought the report for the week. Eggie demanded money for his gimmicks, saying that some server was not pulling something there. Then we had to look for another lost tourist, then we looked for those who were looking for a tourist, then we found everyone and another one who broke away from yesterday's tour, rewarded the unwitting follower of Don Miguel with a meal and a "personal piece" from the baron's plate, served by the squire on a silver fork.

Camrad_RIP 03.02.23 в 17:25

I remembered this custom just in time; the tourists looked at the piece with such hungry eyes that I involuntarily checked to see if their plates were full. They were. And there are dishes on the table for all tastes! But it always tastes better on someone else's plate and certainly on someone else's fork and from baron's hands.

Camrad_RIP 03.02.23 в 17:25

The tourist I had honored immediately stood up and made a ten-minute speech, praising the kindness of his host, the dampness of the cellars, and the horrible moans and cries of the ancient spirits. I had to gag him with a rewarding glass of wine, for he was going wild.

Camrad_RIP 03.02.23 в 17:26

We didn't moan that loudly.

Camrad_RIP 03.02.23 в 17:27

Then I finally broke free, dismissing Egilbert's attempts to slip me some papers, ducked into a cab, twenty minutes drive, check-in, boarding, an hour in the air, Paris, a cab, a museum, a waiting, impatiently dancing student, the leader of the group Katsman had assembled. In twenty minutes, we ran through the exhibit, looking around the future crime scene, with most of the effort going into getting the young guy not to hide from the caretakers or look around with such a mysterious look on his face. We parted at the entrance. I almost forced him to put his collar down and take off his dark glasses and hat... then I thought about it and ordered him to dress up again. It was good for the plan.

Camrad_RIP 03.02.23 в 17:41

I called Elepar. He was just approaching the border by car, carrying his secret and valuable cargo. He was so impressed with the mission that even sitting in the car in the middle of the road he lowered his voice - another one! Everything, of course, was in order. I call Egilbert. Nothing changed in the castle except the tourists, who had expected to dine with the baron, were slightly upset by the news that Sir Erraine would replace me. Though impressed by the honorable duty, he was a little nervous. It's not a town hall reception - he's replacing the Baron himself! That's all right. He looks very entourage-like in his national costume. He'll do fine.

Camrad_RIP 03.02.23 в 17:45

I confirmed I understood it was unthinkable to replace me, but I believed in him, so let him perform the feat. He would definitely be credited with it. Before von Schnitze took the phone away from the Mayor and started demanding something from me again, I disconnected.

Camrad_RIP 03.02.23 в 17:46

Four o'clock in the afternoon, no matter how you spin it, no matter how you postpone it, there's no way out. The word was given, which meant that, no matter how creepy, I would have to do it. I picked up the phone and called:

Camrad_RIP 03.02.23 в 17:47

"Hey, kiddo. How's it going?"

Camrad_RIP 03.02.23 в 17:47

"Hi, Dad! It's okay!"

Camrad_RIP 03.02.23 в 17:47

"It's okay good, or okay bad?"

Camrad_RIP 03.02.23 в 17:48

"All fine!"

Camrad_RIP 03.02.23 в 17:49

The daughter's voice was upbeat and anticipatory.

Camrad_RIP 03.02.23 в 17:49

It meant that I had a very difficult evening ahead.

Camrad_RIP 03.02.23 в 17:49

"So here's the situation: I'm in Paris, and I'm ready to give you and your sister a gift. One. Two at the most! I have three hours."

Camrad_RIP 03.02.23 в 17:50

"Three hours a month on your own daughters!" It was said with a whiny wail, but I didn't buy it.

Camrad_RIP 03.02.23 в 17:51

"There will be more later, but right now, it's business. So dispose of your father as you wish, but don't throw him into a thorn bush." And before she could answer, he added: "Time's running out!"

Camrad_RIP 03.02.23 в 17:52

"Now! So, Paris, têche capitale of de bélé français."

Camrad_RIP 03.02.23 в 20:22

"Where do you have such a terrible accent from?"

Camrad_RIP 03.02.23 в 20:38

"From the popular British actor."

Camrad_RIP 03.02.23 в 20:39

"It would be better to take your father as an example."

Camrad_RIP 03.02.23 в 20:39

"I see you less often than I see him!"

Camrad_RIP 03.02.23 в 20:40

"And the time is running out!"

Camrad_RIP 03.02.23 в 20:40

"Don't push me!"

Camrad_RIP 03.02.23 в 20:40

"By the way, half of the time belongs to Lenka. Why didn't you call your sister?"

Camrad_RIP 03.02.23 в 20:41

"She's still little! I'll give her my makeup set. An old one."

Camrad_RIP 03.02.23 в 20:41

"Do you have a makeup set, even two? At age of thirteen?"

Camrad_RIP 03.02.23 в 20:42

"My mother used to say that men are babies until death, and I, the fool, didn't believe it..."

Camrad_RIP 03.02.23 в 20:42

"Two hours and fifty-seven minutes! And a bar of soap as a gift. Laundry soap!"

Camrad_RIP 03.02.23 в 20:43

"All right, all right, don't freak out, I'm almost fin..." My voice suddenly changed from cocky and cheerful to pity-begging: "Daddy-daddy, do you have a lot of money with you?"

Camrad_RIP 03.02.23 в 20:44

Damn, she looks just like her mother!

Camrad_RIP 03.02.23 в 20:44

"Speak up, you little racketeer."

Camrad_RIP 03.02.23 в 20:45