Господин Барон / The Baron: 8

Chapter 14

Camrad_RIP 17.01.23 в 05:54

I took another disc off the shelf and examined it questioningly. There was a big man in a horny helmet swinging an axe on the cover, so it seemed to be the right one.

Camrad_RIP 20.01.23 в 11:23

"Dear? Do you haven't seen this movie? I'm looking for historical series of recent years. Can you recommend something?"

Camrad_RIP 20.01.23 в 11:23

The salesman was silent, looking at the wall behind me.

Camrad_RIP 20.01.23 в 11:24

I had already put the disk back when the salesman suddenly decided to answer:

Camrad_RIP 22.01.23 в 13:28

"No, Mr. Baron."

Camrad_RIP 22.01.23 в 13:51

He was still looking past me.

Camrad_RIP 22.01.23 в 13:51

You wouldn't happen to be from the Baltics, would you?

Camrad_RIP 22.01.23 в 13:52

The salesman frowned and lowered his head, now looking somewhere in the corner.

Camrad_RIP 22.01.23 в 13:52

"All right, I'll look for it myself."

Camrad_RIP 22.01.23 в 13:52

I had already paid for my purchases, having chosen a few discs at random by the covers, and was standing in the doorway when I heard a voice in the back:

Camrad_RIP 22.01.23 в 13:53

"No, I'm a local."

Camrad_RIP 22.01.23 в 13:53

"Great. Good day to you!"

Camrad_RIP 22.01.23 в 13:59

I think the next time I come here I'll be greeted with something like, "Goodbye, Mr. Baron."

Camrad_RIP 22.01.23 в 13:59

"Got Dag, Your Grace!"

Camrad_RIP 22.01.23 в 14:00

"Good." I turned away from the subject who greeted me with a slight bow, and walked up the street leading to the castle. He'd probably think I was rude, but since this was about the bicentennial of good day's greetings in an hour's walk, the tone was appropriate. Now I understand why a typical feudal lord is a grim, haughty bastard - try to say hello to every subject! They're always trying to talk, aren't they? They live here leisurely and thoroughly, planning for decades ahead and remembering what happened to their ancestors, so they chat as sedately, discussing the weather and gossip for an hour, and I have little time. In the department you could catch a careless employee and start giving him a job - when they heard the screams of the victim all the others try to bypass you by a circuitous route and move as quickly as possible to a safe distance, but here if you stopped to ask how things were, then you are considered to spend the day in the chatter.

Camrad_RIP 22.01.23 в 16:32

It's creepy, all in all.

Camrad_RIP 22.01.23 в 16:32

Most of my subjects perceived the repeal of the laws as a vacation by strange rules, and so they treated me quite favorably. Well, like animators at a resort, happily obeying the commands of the strangely acting type, obediently jumping and waving their arms in all the right places. Plus their natural law-abiding nature, plus their desire to finally show everyone around them that they, the Esks, also mean something on the world map... Gloom.

Camrad_RIP 22.01.23 в 16:34

By the way, after learning the results of the "Holmgang-at-the church" the townspeople were offended - saying that the Baron took for himself the most interesting, and them, poor souls, neglected. I had to allow the fight. Among my townspeople, there were many wishing to swing their fists. So the fight was large-scale, but without casualties, for this was strictly monitored. It was customary for the victorious Esk to take the Viking to his home for a treat and for the victorious Viking to take his opponent to the nearest bar for a drink. In general, friendship won. And alkazeltzer with pepsin.

Camrad_RIP 22.01.23 в 16:37

The Vikings - as it turned out, three historical reconstruction clubs from different cities - carried their jarl to the castle in their arms, singing warlike songs. Not everyone came. Most of them dispersed through the city in search of a decent eatery (how I sent servants with the news of "baronial discounts for Viking bandits" is another story!) but forty people, enthusiastically singing at the sight of the promised "beautiful maiden" questioningly stared at me, saying, where the promised beer and meat, the good master?

Camrad_RIP 22.01.23 в 16:38

However, after getting drunk and full, the tourists in armor mingled with ordinary tourists, peacefully exploring the walls and the donjon, wondering aloud how to take them next year. After learning about our local war, they were very happy, interested in the details, and even tried to help, no matter who, but gradually all piled into town, where the fun flared up.

Camrad_RIP 22.01.23 в 16:40

Then it turned out that not everyone had gone - three particularly adventurous guys decided to find and catch a real ghost. What they stumbled upon in the dungeons I could not find out, but when they were dragged out of the cell where they had locked themselves in fear, they told me so much about what they had imagined that four servants and two guards came to ask for a salary bump. After thinking about it, I gave them it, but I made them each report what had happened on the museum's website.

Camrad_RIP 22.01.23 в 16:42

After watching the stories I posted, several more volunteers disappeared. I thought they chickened out and ran away, but no: they rushed to root out evil and got lost in the cellars, too! We had to nail down several passages.

Camrad_RIP 22.01.23 в 16:43

However, what was happening in the city was just as troublesome.

Camrad_RIP 22.01.23 в 16:44

At first, the Norwegians tried to present themselves as tough - with weapons, in their real armor! But Sir Erraine, former champion of Central Vendia in classical wrestling, took two especially noisy ones by the scruff of the neck, without listening to the cries, dragged them to the port, and throw them back on the drakkars. He throws them in the air, about three meters each. The onlookers started to get indignant, but then Sir Ulfric, a two-time finalist in the Federation's student saber competition, showed everyone what he was capable of.

Camrad_RIP 22.01.23 в 16:47

It looked, as they say, rather amusing: a Viking with a beard and a mustache, a head taller than his opponent, comes out, and while he swings with a huge historic iron, Sir Ulfric swiftly marks two or three touches and steps back. The next one comes out and repeats - and so on until all the opponents have been "conditionally killed," whereupon they rush out at once, lift the plucky sir in their arms and drag him to the nearest restaurant for a treat. They say Sir Erraine was offended that they didn't carry him, but that's for nothing. He should eat less. It's good for the mayor's solidity, though.

Camrad_RIP 22.01.23 в 16:49

The Northerners knew how to drink, they loved to celebrate, and they had enough money to spend, so the town celebrated for three days, with tourists from all over the area pouring in for the second. Then the warriors had a disciplined hangover and, having taken a lot of goodbye photos, went to sea.

Camrad_RIP 22.01.23 в 16:49

Now I believe that they put fear into all the neighboring countries - to booze for a few days, and the next morning to go to sea on sailing ships! Strong guys!

Camrad_RIP 22.01.23 в 16:50

The squires also passed the "drink test," as I had promised. The only thing I didn't know was that Marty and Sato were both blushing desperately the next morning when they saw each other. It's strange. They're both adults. I don't think that's the reaction they got from casual sex. I didn't ask for details, though.

Camrad_RIP 22.01.23 в 16:55

Eric and I became friends. When he regained consciousness, he sulked at first, which looked incredibly funny for the big kid. But then he recovered, and the attention of the tourists, who were admiringly looking at the slightly dyed but quite powerful Scandinavian, put him in a good mood. After discussing the fight, we concluded that everything had passed within the rules, and thus the result was not worth the offense, after which the Jarl announced that the ancient dispute had been resolved in a duel, and I finally sighed with relief.

Camrad_RIP 22.01.23 в 16:58

When Esteinson boarded his drakkar to depart for his homeland, both of his arms were occupied. One, as it turned out, had been broken in our "glorious battle," and on the shoulder of the other hung the "beautiful maiden," given to the guest by the generous baron. She did not look unhappy. She generously distributed smiles and air kisses to the crowded audience, so it's still a question of who is whose prey is here. Actually, Eric wanted to kidnap my combat friend first. But he was beaten and kicked by the very thing he was trying to steal.

Camrad_RIP 22.01.23 в 17:05

To think that. I, a grown man, could barely handle this two-meter swan-road romantic, and the redheaded brat took him down in two strokes! And I don't care if she kicked him where I wouldn't, it's the fact that counts! It's a scary thing, feminism, inhuman.

Camrad_RIP 22.01.23 в 17:07

By the way, our whole great battle and the spontaneous festival that followed it were all local news. So and so, the gathering of the "Children of Odin" historical clubs took place on replica antique ships, on which the antique lovers arrived at the festival site, where the completely banal festivities took place. It seems that the feds decided that if they couldn't prevent it, they should just pretend that everything was okay. Well, they're not the only ones who suffer from it.

Camrad_RIP 22.01.23 в 17:09

"Goddag, Herr von Gravstein!"

Camrad_RIP 22.01.23 в 17:09

"Hi, Fitzy. Isn't it hot?"

Camrad_RIP 22.01.23 в 17:10

"Not at all, Herr von Gravstein. As we warmed up during the morning assault, we can't seem to cool down."

Camrad_RIP 22.01.23 в 17:13

"Tourists don't bother you?"

Camrad_RIP 22.01.23 в 17:14

"If only a little bit."

Camrad_RIP 22.01.23 в 17:16

"All right, keep watch."

Camrad_RIP 22.01.23 в 17:17

"Yes, sir, Baron!"

Camrad_RIP 22.01.23 в 17:17

I passed the Welleswarm guard, looked around, and after making sure the siege camp was in order, I moved on.

Camrad_RIP 22.01.23 в 17:18

The siege was going on in earnest. For example, the nasty old bugger demanded that all the defenders eat only what was in the castle at the start of the siege! If we have a siege - no food delivery, he said. I'd kill the bastard. Seriously, I'm sick of eating in the city. All, of course, ate nothing in the castle. Unless I was set, along with the tourists, and so most of the servants gladly ran away an hour earlier from work and at the same time demanded compensation, they say restaurants are too expensive!

Camrad_RIP 22.01.23 в 17:21

Now, on the sixth day of fighting, the procedure had finally been established. At ten o'clock in the morning, the Welleschwarms men lined up and went on the attack under the chanting of the battle hymns. It should be said that they did so in an organized manner and according to plan. The more so as the main striking force were, after all, the fire brigades, with their ladders and water cannons. There were forty men, no more and no less - if one of Ewald's troops had to leave, he was obliged to provide a replacement. Given the number of tourists who wanted to take part in the war, we had to introduce quotas - no more than ten places for "mercenaries," and to draw up waiting lists, or else in the camp of the attackers even a couple of times had to settle a scuffle for the right to sell a place in the fighting ranks.

Camrad_RIP 22.01.23 в 17:25

My faithful servants looked at this outrage with sadness but held on, knowing that the Vellershwarmers had nothing more to gain from it - we had the whole castle at our fingertips, so we could seat tourists in good seats, make souvenirs for sale or anything else we could think of. So, when the siege was over by dinner, everyone went about their business. You know war is a war, but there's always enough to do in a big household.

Camrad_RIP 22.01.23 в 17:26

That's how we live for three days after the departure of the sea robbers. In the morning breakfast with the tourists. Then the war. Then lunch and household chores. In the evening obligatory fight, and then it's time to sleep.

Camrad_RIP 22.01.23 в 17:28

The fight was invented by the squires, whom I apparently don't load enough. These bastards, after watching my fighting deeds and losing their minds out of jealousy, began to challenge the Welleswarmers. Now every night, there are five fights, and not necessarily fighting - yesterday, for example, Dan competed in singing yodeling. He lost it, the bastard.

Camrad_RIP 22.01.23 в 17:31

If we won, a new batch of supplies was taken to the castle. If we lost, one soldier was removed from the walls the next morning, which was a lot with our already small forces.

Camrad_RIP 22.01.23 в 17:33

By the way, reputation is a great thing. I personally had to engage only once and seeing the slowly approaching armored baron, waving his faithful mace, the attackers, who had almost taken off a section of the wall, very quickly rushed back to the stairs, to the war cries of emboldened Gravsteins. Only one American mercenary remained, and it was enough of a blow from his shield to fly off the wall and into the safety net.

Camrad_RIP 22.01.23 в 17:37

I, however, personally did not rush to fight, and let the young people have fun. Maybe, if they like fighting so much, we could hold a knight's tournament. To show ourselves and to make people laugh! We'll set aside a separate field for extreme athletes, with real horses. And what about the playground - why don't the Welleschwarms do something like a training lane for those who want to become mercenaries? So that they could put on real armor, slash at a scarecrow with a real sword, and generally test the strength?

Camrad_RIP 22.01.23 в 17:39

Well, I'll give them some land, for a modest share, again, a couple of souvenir tents...

Camrad_RIP 22.01.23 в 17:39